Bulletproof Stockings: All-Female Hassidic Rock Band will not see the wrath of Hashem

People often misunderstand a lot about Hassidic culture and rules. Hassidim aren’t chastised or bullied into only listening to horrendous Jewish music. They’re not told about how pop music is the devil’s music and will only influence you to do goyishe things; ie things that aren’t what that 98 year old Rabbi wants you to do. DON’T QUESTION THE 98 YEAR OLD RABBI, OKAY!?!?

Simply, this is how it works: If you play Reggae and your name is Matisyahu, you go straight to hell when you die. Well…you go to the Jewish version of hell, for like a minute, but maaaan is that minute one damned long minute. Remember how ‘quickly’ God made dinosaurs? How millions of years of archeological boning led to like ‘one day’ in the Bible? So a minute in Jewish Hell is probably 80 to 1,000,000 years, give or take.

Now, I don’t think Bulletproof Stockings want me to listen to their music. Another Hassidic rule is that men aren’t supposed to listen to women singing, and women aren’t supposed to sing to men (vice versa is totally Kosher, but no good Jewish man can hold a tune for his life). Everyone knows once you hear a woman’s sexy feminine voice you can’t help but drop your jaw and morals with unbridled voice-fetish lust. So unless they’re some sort of Hassidic rebels, flouting ridiculous rules to pursue their dreams and make beautiful music, I’m gonna get in trouble with God for listening to a woman sing. Makes me want to listen to them even more.

Enough of this, let’s talk about Bulletproof Stockings. Hailing from Brooklyn, NY (could you have guessed?) three good Jewish girls make up this soulful trio: Perl Wolfe, Dalia G. Shusterman, Laura Kegeles. The songs remind me of…well…huh. Sometimes I have a lot of trouble differentiating female singer-songwriters, but if I had to make some sort of assessment, I’d place them somewhere between 90s Nelly Furtado and…well…you listen and fill it in yourself.

My favorite part of Bulletproof Stockings is that although they’re openly religious Jews, they don’t feel the need to write overtly pro-God and pro-religious lyrics. Double props.

Listen to more of their songs at the link above.

// Anyone else kinda wish their name was ‘Bulletproof Stalkings’?

///Hat tip to Sam S.