Archives For The Duckman

Afroman is back to tell you why he is now getting high! No longer because he missed work, or because he has a messy room, or child support to pay. But because anxiety and glaucoma are a bitch. Also booze and ciggs are so much worse than some THC. Seriously. Look how happy Afroman is riding around on a couch. His eyes can’t even open. Dude is living life.

because-i-got-high

Of course, like anything good in this world, this is just an advertisement. Afroman is trying to get you to use a weed map and support a group that is trying to get weed legalized. But you know what, we totally agree with form of selling out!

If you don’t remember listening to the original song, I’ll assume it’s because you were too high between 2001 and today. You can listen to a censored version on youtube.

//Rolling Stone

Soooooo the Jews of Cape Town decided to make parody to Die Antwoord’s I Fink U Freeky. Although Die Antwoord’s song is a few years old, I have to say that this was pretty bold on the part of these South African Jews. I mean, have you seen any of their videos? Di Antwoord isn’t so kosher. Considering they made the anthem against circumcision and all. Either way. Go South African Jews, I guess.

// r/judaism

Mr. Decembers

The Duckman —  09/23/2014 —  Comments

nice-jewish-urban

Hi guys. It’s us. Hipster Jew. The Jewish new year is coming up next week, and what better time to tell you that we are in the NICE JEWISH GUYS CALENDAR 2015! We will be sitting at the back of the calendar, judging everyone as they slowly get through the entire year. But no seriously. We’re the month of December. Reminding you that you need to buy another calendar for all of your friends. I mean, what else are you going to get them, even if we won’t be back for 2016?

it's happening
You can buy it at Urban Outfitters, Modern Tribe, Kitson.

PS Thanks to Jesse Banks III for photographing us!

A few months ago, I decided to move back to New York City and give it another chance. My time living in New York was spent leap-frogging from one shitty neighborhood to the next, across several boroughs. What’s interesting is that my current neighborhood is at an intersection of three different ethnic groups. There are Russians to the east, blacks to the west, and Caribbean to the south. I love this neighborhood.

While the next part of this story is about Antisemitism, I should note that my neighborhood does not have many Jews. There are remnants of Jews who once lived here. Unknown to its current inhabitants, a church only two blocks from my apartment contains a beautiful flame sculpture on the front of the building, stating its former life of a synagogue. The iron fence surrounding the church is shaped like menorahs. Six blocks away is another building that is currently operated by New York City as a daycare for senior citizens. Signs posted around the center point to the defunct synagogue as a place for a weekday morning service.

This past Saturday Afternoon I decided to take a walk. As I left my apartment I noticed two young men dressed in black suits, white shirts, and black hats across the street. Initially, I thought how funny it would be if I said “Shabbat Shalom” to them, as I was in shorts and a t-shirt and clearly not religious. Then I started to wonder why these two young men were walking down this street. Maybe they were taking a long walk to/from Boro Park? I thought it was odd they were walking down this specific street, especially when the neighborhood looked much nicer only a few blocks away. You go from ugly apartment buildings that look like they were built during World War 2 to giant Victorian houses that have front yards in the span of a few minutes. If I was taking a leisurely walk, that is the area I would go to.

As my mind started to wander, I noticed two more young men walking down the street on my side. Where they in a race with the other two Jews? Why are there so many Orthodox Jews walking through my neighborhood today? Was there a Torah in the former synagogue that needed saving? Quickly, these funny (to me) thoughts were interrupted by an older black lady yelling down the street. At first I thought she was speaking gibberish – there tends to be a lot of drug users in my neighborhood. Everyone in my building smokes weed in the stairwells, and I’ve seen strung out people on my front steps numerous times. As I got closer to her I started to make out some of her words. It was the second to last day of the month, and this This older black lady thought that these young men were sent to collect her rent money. She thought they were going to start kicking people out of their homes for not paying rent on time. She was yelling at them for being greedy and hurting the neighborhood.

Except they were just walking down the street. I was kind of shocked. This lady was yelling at them because the only association she has with Orthodox Jews is the many Orthodox slum lords of New York.

It was so ridiculous, I couldn’t help but laugh. I turned to her as I passed (she was still yelling) and I said to her “They are not coming for your money. It’s the Sabbath. They can not take your money.”

After a few moments of me trying to reassure her, and her not listening, a light bulb went on in her head and she said “Oh, its Saturday.”

While I have read my fair share of anti-white graffiti in this neighborhood, I have never had a problem. I have never felt threatened or attacked in any way. This was certainly a strange way to feel bias and resentment.

danger-zone

Everyone is sick and tired of dumb Kickstarters getting thousands of dollars. Including H. Jon Benjamin. So he made one!

After Erick Sanchez was given over $30K to get Kenny Loggins to perform at his condo, H. Jon Benjamin decided it would only be right if he introduced him (LANA! LANA!….. DANGER ZONE). So here we have another shitty Kickstarter. Or as H. Jon Benjamin put it

“I hate these inane Kickstarters hosted by privileged assholes asking for other people’s money and the service of ironic projects that add nothing to the cultural conversation, so I started one.”

But don’t worry. You won’t be ripped off by terrible rewards. Jon has some great ideas. Like if you give him $2000, you get $1000 back. If you want to watch the performance on his cell phone, it’ll cost $15. Signed posters, Way too expensive T-shirts. Cmon down and support a Kickstarter that clearly doesn’t need your support!
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// Village Voice

Our favorite website in the world, Clickhole (a sister site to The Onion and A.V. Club), wrote a wonderful article on 5 tragedies Adam Sandler predicted. The article is hilariously fake just like everything else on the website.

But apparently some people didn’t get it. Besides for a few twitter and facebook posts questioning how Adam Sandler knew about these tragedies, someone at Stormfront used this article to perpetuate his/her belief that Jews control the media.

stromfront-sandler

If anything of this is true, just shows how Jews do make **** happen and probably communicate via movies

Which was followed by a few hilarious replies from people that didn’t get it.

This comes as no surprise, all the Jews know what the schedule is, and follow it accordingly, with no incidents.

And then hilarious replies by people that did get it.

This article is satire. There is no-where on the web that can prove any of it. I call bull****.

Here is a bit of propheting for you that might be useful: Jews invent crazy conspiracy theories and theorists (Alex ‘shoutyhead’ Jones anyone) all the time to discredit the true ‘conspiracy’ that they have control of the government and the media.

Thank you Neo Nazis. Because of you and others that do not know how to read, Facebook will be supplying us with “satire” labels.

This Land is Mine is a beautiful / terrifying depiction of the last 6000 years in the land of Canaan / Israel / Palestine. Millennia after Millennia of war and death over the small piece of land many have called their rightful home.

The list of participating parties:

Early Man
Canaanite
Egyptian
Assyrian
Israelite
Babylonian
Macedonian/Greek
Greek/Macedonian
Ptolemaic
Seleucid
Hebrew Priest
Maccabee
Roman
Byzantine
Arab Caliph
Crusader
Mamluk of Egypt
Ottoman Turk
Arab
British
Palestinian
European Jew/Zionist
PLO/Hamas/Hezbollah
State of Israel
Guerrilla/Freedom Fighter/Terrorist
The Angel of Death

Hi kids. Electric Zoo doesnt want you to do Molly. Not because it isn’t a super cool drug. But because a bunch of people died last year from a bad batch. In this PSA they warn you that you might miss out on all the “awesome” “music” if you do Molly. I assume they are only talking about the bad Molly that kills. Everyone knows you can’t enjoy life when you’re dead.

Israeli Women IDF

Israeli women (and maybe some Americans) are taking to facebook and posting photos of themselves half or mostly naked in support of the IDF. While the U.S. sends money and weapons to Israel, Israeli women are sending photos of their naked bodies.

I… Just… yeah… Okay…

//Mediaite

As this video shows, it’s impossible to please people on this subject. There is a reason why we don’t talk much about the Israel-Palestinian conflict. No matter what we say, most people will yell at us for either not caring about dead children, or supporting a terrorist group, or not mentioning something that’s hardly important. The entire war is a PR battle and we really don’t feel like pushing either side’s press release.

If you really want our opinion, it’s this: Cut the shit everyone.