Archives For The Duckman

Rejoice Jewish Harry Potter fans! One of our own has been eating Bertie Botts while fighting alongside Dumbledore’s Army.

I take it back, New Modest Mouse song is pretty good

I know I just wrote a post exclaiming that I only use Spotify to listen to music, but as of today, that is over. I will no longer be using spotify.

That sucks.

Spotify is a great service for music listeners. While it may not have everything, it has most things. And that’s good enough for your day to day listening. But I am having some problems with their ads.

Ad?!? Well why don’t you just fucking pay for a subscription, asshole?

While I was on my road trip, I had paid for a spotify subscription. It was amazing considering my phone had no space on it and I didn’t have enough money to buy an ipod classic (now valued at over $1000). I could listen to whatever, whenever. I had my 3000+ song playlists and a mediocre list of spotify radio stations. But I am not listening to spotify as much as I used to. And I can not justify spending $120 a year on music at this moment in my life.

Well what about that deal they have? $.99 for three month! You can easily listen to music that way and decide if it’s worth is again… idiot

Unfortunately, because I already paid for Spotify, I am not allowed to partake in this wonderful deal.

Okay… fine… how bad are these ads, really? Why are they so terrible you’re running away?

spotify long ad

I understand why Spotify must make me listen to ads. I am okay listening to ads. But I have been having a few problems with the ads. First one is content.

Spotify knows exactly what I listen to. They know when I listen to it. They know how much of it I listen to, and when I skip a song, or a genre right away. The ads that I am getting are no where near what I listen to. It’s like they’re telling me “You got drunk one night and listened to that D12 song which had Eminem as the lead. Eminem had a girl in one of videos that also went to 1st grade with this Christian Rock singer. So we hope you like this 30 second clip from their next hit song played over and over for the next week!

My second problem is the amount of ads being played.

Three months ago, I’d hear one or two ads every 30-45 minutes. They would last a total of 30 seconds. Two months ago, I’d hear 3-4 ads ever 25-30 minutes. They would last a total of 2 minutes. Last month I started hearing 6 ads every 25 minutes. They would last 3 minutes. That’s annoying, but fine, I understand.

Today I heard an entire 4 minute song as an ad. And then two 30 second ads after it. That is completely unacceptable. The song was shit. It doesn’t come close to anything I listen to. I feel used. I feel abused. I am done. It is over. Goodbye Spotify.

UPDATE: according to a Reddit user, the ad was a mistake. “Sorry, there was a problem with our ads targeting. It’s being fixed.” Considering the fact that their ad targeting is way off, I don’t believe it for a second.

As 2014 comes to a close, everyone and everything will be posting their reviews of the past year. Instead of judging others, I decided to judge myself. And what better way than with Spotify’s “Year in Review” page?

For the past year in a half, I have almost solely used streaming services to listen to music. I had been using a broken iPhone 4 with only 8gb of space. I was literally deleting photos to take photos. There was no way I could carry my own music around. Streaming has been great for me. But there are a few things I do miss. I know I always complain about this, but it does bother me that Drag City is not on Spotify. That is one of my favorite record labels. I love Bill Callahan and Silver Jews. What bothers me more so is that when I buy Drag City albums on vinyl, they won’t even give you a download code. What the hell dudes… /end rant.

So with that being said, let’s go ahead and judge my taste in music.


There numbers are meaningless to me. The way they categorize different types of songs is meaningless to me too. Whats alt? Whats indie? Honestly, I thought I listened to more hip hop than this is showing. If anyone told me to “listen to this great band, its alternative dance music” I would probably punch them in the face.


Lets get more to the meat of my music. My top artists. To me, its extremely a predictable list. The top three are my 3 favorite bands. They’re all I pretty much listen to. Because of that, I have no idea why The Strokes and Devendra Banhart are on this list. Sure, I have both of them on the one playlist I listen to, but I didnt think I listened to them that much? I mean really. Who wants to listen to both of those bands? Thats way too typical. Ew. Cmon. It has to be a mistake. Please dont make fun of me.


Top albums, I am a little more comfortable with. Last summer I fell in love with channel ORANGE. Seriously. Why did it take me so long to listen to this album? I can’t stop listening to it. This summer I fell in love with Vampire Weekend (I’m so late). And in the winter/fall/spring I listen to depressing music like Electrelane’s Axes and The Walkmen’s everything. I’m so predictable to myself.


Speaking of seasons… this is again, extremely predicable. In depressing music in the cold. Dancey music in the summer. Man, you could just put my face on a t-shirt and sell it, I’m so predictable.


Now this is cute. My top ten songs:
1. Jew
2. Jew
3. Song I listened to in high school and just rediscovered
4. Jew
5. Same song I listened to in high school, but slightly different
6. Fav Band
7. Jew
8. Fav Band
9. Fav Album
10. Jew

I am like a caricature of the “Hipster Jew”. I disgust me.


Now for the final piece…

I have spend about 22 days listening to music. How is it that low? I know I spent the first 6 months not listening to much of anything. It was a bad 6 months. But Ive been working for three months and have been listening to music every day for 8+ hours. Okay, well, when I put it that way it does make sense. Well thats kind of sad….

My year in music totally blew. I give it 1.5 Halls out of 5 Oates

Sometimes it’s all about compromising. One reddit user’s solution to the multidenominational household. May I present: the Menorahtree


Sick Location
No Guests
Broker Fee
For Real
*blurry photos* (it’s 2014… why does it look like every picture was taken with a razor phone?)
Females only

Watching these grandmas smoke weed for the first time makes me wonder… Have any of you ever smoked weed with your Bubbe? Was it secretly in the bathroom at shul no one ever goes in? Or did you watch her pass around a bowl at the old age home? I would love to hear stories if you have any!

20 years later…

The Duckman —  10/30/2014 —  Comments

The Hipster Jew brother don’t get together often enough. But when we do, something mildly interesting usually happens. Like us sitting on the same dog we sat on 20 years ago. (That dog has seen a lot of ass)

So here we are in about 1994 and 2014


I have to be honest. I know a lot of my friends say they are harassed on the street. Once a week I see a friend post something on facebook or twitter about that day’s special harasser. But I didn’t know it was this bad. I didn’t know some people get harassed this much. But I believe it.

The most recent street harassment I remember seeing was someone in my neighborhood yelling “c’mon baby smile” to a woman that was walking in front of me. I was kind of shocked. I didn’t say anything. I wanted to see what the woman’s reaction would be to this asshole (nothing). But afterwards I wanted to yell at this guy. Why must someone smile for you? Are women objects for your entertainment? Shove a spiky dildo up your ass.

Im glad the woman never answered. Im glad the woman in this video never answered. Giving them any type of response would satisfy their harassment.

What’s wrong with the boys of today? This shit is stupid and needs to stop.


Afroman is back to tell you why he is now getting high! No longer because he missed work, or because he has a messy room, or child support to pay. But because anxiety and glaucoma are a bitch. Also booze and ciggs are so much worse than some THC. Seriously. Look how happy Afroman is riding around on a couch. His eyes can’t even open. Dude is living life.


Of course, like anything good in this world, this is just an advertisement. Afroman is trying to get you to use a weed map and support a group that is trying to get weed legalized. But you know what, we totally agree with form of selling out!

If you don’t remember listening to the original song, I’ll assume it’s because you were too high between 2001 and today. You can listen to a censored version on youtube.

//Rolling Stone