Archives For The Duckman


There is a lot of Lumbersexual hate going around in recent days. What’s a lumbersexual you ask? I really don’t know. It seems like people are hating on dudes with beards who like to wear plaid. And since I am a dude with a beard who likes to wear plaid, I would like to come out and say that some of us grow beards because we don’t have a choice. Have you seen me without a beard? I don’t have a chin!

We also grow beards because we can. I mean, I’ve had people up to age 60 tell me how jealous they are of my beard. It’s so wonderful. So full and slightly orange. It’s really a thing of beauty.

My beard was also great to me at age 19-20 because I was able to buy so much alcohol without being carded. Yay Beards!

So please. The next time you write your Lumbersexual hate pieces, remember that there are some of us who grow beards because we have to. Not because we’re here to appease you.

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I have been spending much of my day reading Wikipedia articles, when I decided to read up a bit on our lord and savior David Berman, when I noticed this one line…

On 8 January 2015, Bob Nastanovich posted a photo on his Facebook page claiming that the Silver Jews are practicing again.

January 8th? Thats today! I quickly went to Bob’s facebook page and low and behold… Silver Jews, together again! I don’t care if they were only posing for a photo. Just the thought of Silver Jews getting back together makes my day.

We’re a week into 2015 and already this is a better year than 2014/

Celebrate every night of Hanukkah by taking a few hits on this Menorah Bong. I am sure that this still counts as lighting for the night, right? Must be kosher to light up! I would go as far as to say this should be the only was we light our menorahs. If Hanukkah wasn’t already the official holiday for Jewish potheads

Rejoice Jewish Harry Potter fans! One of our own has been eating Bertie Botts while fighting alongside Dumbledore’s Army.

I take it back, New Modest Mouse song is pretty good

I know I just wrote a post exclaiming that I only use Spotify to listen to music, but as of today, that is over. I will no longer be using spotify.

That sucks.

Spotify is a great service for music listeners. While it may not have everything, it has most things. And that’s good enough for your day to day listening. But I am having some problems with their ads.

Ad?!? Well why don’t you just fucking pay for a subscription, asshole?

While I was on my road trip, I had paid for a spotify subscription. It was amazing considering my phone had no space on it and I didn’t have enough money to buy an ipod classic (now valued at over $1000). I could listen to whatever, whenever. I had my 3000+ song playlists and a mediocre list of spotify radio stations. But I am not listening to spotify as much as I used to. And I can not justify spending $120 a year on music at this moment in my life.

Well what about that deal they have? $.99 for three month! You can easily listen to music that way and decide if it’s worth is again… idiot

Unfortunately, because I already paid for Spotify, I am not allowed to partake in this wonderful deal.

Okay… fine… how bad are these ads, really? Why are they so terrible you’re running away?

spotify long ad

I understand why Spotify must make me listen to ads. I am okay listening to ads. But I have been having a few problems with the ads. First one is content.

Spotify knows exactly what I listen to. They know when I listen to it. They know how much of it I listen to, and when I skip a song, or a genre right away. The ads that I am getting are no where near what I listen to. It’s like they’re telling me “You got drunk one night and listened to that D12 song which had Eminem as the lead. Eminem had a girl in one of videos that also went to 1st grade with this Christian Rock singer. So we hope you like this 30 second clip from their next hit song played over and over for the next week!

My second problem is the amount of ads being played.

Three months ago, I’d hear one or two ads every 30-45 minutes. They would last a total of 30 seconds. Two months ago, I’d hear 3-4 ads ever 25-30 minutes. They would last a total of 2 minutes. Last month I started hearing 6 ads every 25 minutes. They would last 3 minutes. That’s annoying, but fine, I understand.

Today I heard an entire 4 minute song as an ad. And then two 30 second ads after it. That is completely unacceptable. The song was shit. It doesn’t come close to anything I listen to. I feel used. I feel abused. I am done. It is over. Goodbye Spotify.

UPDATE: according to a Reddit user, the ad was a mistake. “Sorry, there was a problem with our ads targeting. It’s being fixed.” Considering the fact that their ad targeting is way off, I don’t believe it for a second.

As 2014 comes to a close, everyone and everything will be posting their reviews of the past year. Instead of judging others, I decided to judge myself. And what better way than with Spotify’s “Year in Review” page?

For the past year in a half, I have almost solely used streaming services to listen to music. I had been using a broken iPhone 4 with only 8gb of space. I was literally deleting photos to take photos. There was no way I could carry my own music around. Streaming has been great for me. But there are a few things I do miss. I know I always complain about this, but it does bother me that Drag City is not on Spotify. That is one of my favorite record labels. I love Bill Callahan and Silver Jews. What bothers me more so is that when I buy Drag City albums on vinyl, they won’t even give you a download code. What the hell dudes… /end rant.

So with that being said, let’s go ahead and judge my taste in music.


There numbers are meaningless to me. The way they categorize different types of songs is meaningless to me too. Whats alt? Whats indie? Honestly, I thought I listened to more hip hop than this is showing. If anyone told me to “listen to this great band, its alternative dance music” I would probably punch them in the face.


Lets get more to the meat of my music. My top artists. To me, its extremely a predictable list. The top three are my 3 favorite bands. They’re all I pretty much listen to. Because of that, I have no idea why The Strokes and Devendra Banhart are on this list. Sure, I have both of them on the one playlist I listen to, but I didnt think I listened to them that much? I mean really. Who wants to listen to both of those bands? Thats way too typical. Ew. Cmon. It has to be a mistake. Please dont make fun of me.


Top albums, I am a little more comfortable with. Last summer I fell in love with channel ORANGE. Seriously. Why did it take me so long to listen to this album? I can’t stop listening to it. This summer I fell in love with Vampire Weekend (I’m so late). And in the winter/fall/spring I listen to depressing music like Electrelane’s Axes and The Walkmen’s everything. I’m so predictable to myself.


Speaking of seasons… this is again, extremely predicable. In depressing music in the cold. Dancey music in the summer. Man, you could just put my face on a t-shirt and sell it, I’m so predictable.


Now this is cute. My top ten songs:
1. Jew
2. Jew
3. Song I listened to in high school and just rediscovered
4. Jew
5. Same song I listened to in high school, but slightly different
6. Fav Band
7. Jew
8. Fav Band
9. Fav Album
10. Jew

I am like a caricature of the “Hipster Jew”. I disgust me.


Now for the final piece…

I have spend about 22 days listening to music. How is it that low? I know I spent the first 6 months not listening to much of anything. It was a bad 6 months. But Ive been working for three months and have been listening to music every day for 8+ hours. Okay, well, when I put it that way it does make sense. Well thats kind of sad….

My year in music totally blew. I give it 1.5 Halls out of 5 Oates

Sometimes it’s all about compromising. One reddit user’s solution to the multidenominational household. May I present: the Menorahtree


Sick Location
No Guests
Broker Fee
For Real
*blurry photos* (it’s 2014… why does it look like every picture was taken with a razor phone?)
Females only

Watching these grandmas smoke weed for the first time makes me wonder… Have any of you ever smoked weed with your Bubbe? Was it secretly in the bathroom at shul no one ever goes in? Or did you watch her pass around a bowl at the old age home? I would love to hear stories if you have any!