Archives For The Duckman

The Israeli occupation makes it impossible to buy drugs. Well, at least this fake Vice documentary by The Onion says so. Why does Israel have to be so mean? And why is The Onion so on point in their criticism of craptacular Vice documentaries? Seriously. Did anyone see the Vice Ebola documentary? It was pretty good. But I’m sure you didn’t see the other Vice Ebola documentary where all they did was run away from people selling monkey meat. I know Vice is trying to take an alt look at things and get into places no one else will go (See North Korea and ISIS) but holy hell most of their library is crap.

Anyways. Does anyone know of a good weed guy in Israel who won’t rip off tourists? I’m asking for all of our readers.

…. and it keeps getting better and better every time.

Wet Hot American Summer is coming back with a 8 episode prequel to the 2001 movie via Netflix. Yes, that’s right! The 14 years older actors will be playing younger versions of the young camp counselors in the movie. So as you can assume, there is nothing else that I care about in this world than watching those 8 episodes. I will fondle some sweaters to get my hands on these episodes. I will run 50 miles to watch these episodes. I will… you get the point.

If you haven’t seen Wet Hot American Summer, you can go to Netflix and watch it right now.

Still not convinced? Look at this amazing cast!

Still not convinced? Get the fuck out! We don’t want your pageviews.

July 31st baby!

Happy 4th from me, @gigihadid, @marhunt, @britmaack, @serayah and @haimtheband :)

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

T-Swift, Haim, and a bunch of other people had, what looks to be, the perfect fourth of July. Does anyone know how I can get in on this? I know I have a lot of connections. I feel like it’s my right to hang out in Rhode Island with a bunch of good looking people. Who do I snapchat to get in on this?

T-Swift, please invite me next time (not desperate)

judy-mozes

Israel’s interior minister’s wife Judy Mozes tweeted this wonderful racist joke today. This will do great things for Israel’s image around the world I am sure. I mean… at one point Judy was working with the United Nations Children’s Fund, yet she still couldn’t spell out the word ‘YOU’. I know that

Do u know what Obama Coffee is? Black and weak

is not 140 characters. And what’s the deal with “Coffee” being capitalized? Also, why use punctuation for one sentence but not the other? You can clearly see she did not think this through before posting.

And hey, and as long as there are people who won’t think before they tweet, I won’t proofread before I post.

tv-spoilers-meme

**SPOILER**

I do not care about spoilers. I do not care if I mention a major plot line from a movie. I do not care if you tell me the ending to a book. In fact, please tell me the ending to the book you’re currently reading. I want to know what’s going to happen in Game of Thrones. I want to know who the new undead bad guys in the Walking Dead comic book are. I want to know everything and I have no time to watch / read / listen it myself. So please, in the comments write all the spoilers you can!

**COUNTERPOINT**
Fuck you and your fucking spoilers. I know I said I don’t mind you telling me about Game of Thrones and other stories I like, but I absolutely hate that within the first 24 hours every website is showing a gif of “that scene” that you have to see. You know what I’m talking about! The scene with the shocking death/dragon/revenge/battle. I hate it. I go home that night and I am constantly wondering “when am I going to see that scene that I just saw.” (Say that 5 times fast.) And of course it’s at the end…

Then you have the recent Simpsons incident. Al Jean attempted to give us a few spoilers about the upcoming Simpsons season. One thing he said that got people angry was that Bart is going to finally be killed by Sideshow Bob. It’s a Treehouse of horror episode so who cares. Then he said that Homer and Marge are going to separate and Homer will date a character voiced by Lena Dunham. People freaked out that Homer and Marge were getting a divorce (they’re not). Yet no one freaked out the 40 other times they separated, or the one time that they actually got a divorce, or the 80 times Homer/Marge had romantic feelings for someone else. Without this dumb spoiler I wouldn’t have to sit through two days of everyone on facebook bitching about nothing.

God damnit stop spoiling. Go forth and spoil.

“Humor is too volatile for the humorless.” – Art Spiegelman

lena-dunham-dog-2_0

Lena Dunham recently wrote an article for The New Yorker titled: Dog or Jewish Boyfriend? A Quiz. In the article she asks “Do the following statements refer to (a) my dog or (b) my Jewish boyfriend?” Much of it is pretty funny. I am good at looking at myself and laughing about how I and most other Jewish boys I know are like puppies. Fun, loving, but so terribly dumb.

Some publications did not find this so funny. There was a time when Jews were compared to dogs and so on and so forth. There are also some anti-semitic tropes written in this piece (Jews being bad tippers) but it’s not like we haven’t heard similar jokes from so many other Jews in the entertainment industry. The people who are condemning this piece seem to not understand most people don’t know Jews being dogs was a thing. We all didn’t grow up in the 40’s. They also don’t understand that the only thing in Lena’s life is her dog. How hard is it to read her other New Yorker posts or look at her Instagram? All she does it talk about her dog.

The people condemning this piece seem to be old and humorless. They are also the ADL! You know, that group that calls everyone anti-semitic but when someone like Bibi makes an anti-Arab comment everything is cool. Yeah, those assholes. If they hate something, I’m more or less inclined to love it now. Which is why I’m going to continue sharing this Lena Dunham piece. So please! Read it! Like it or hate it. I don’t care. Just don’t be a stick in the mud like everyone else.

clickhole israel snacks

There is nothing better than Clickhole taking punches at Buzzfeed. Nothing. That includes this new clickhole video (click here for it) where they are just talking about snacks and nothing about the politics of Israel. They are also taking shots at the terrible buzzfeed videos where Americans try different Israeli foods which I refuse to link to.