I don’t mean to stuff your existences with old news. And by old news I mean, circa Tuesday. As I said, old news. But here I go.
Madonna crashed Drake’s set at Coachella and performed Human Nature with our favorite Nice Jewish Boy. That was weird enough, to be honest. But Madonna is a Material Girl and can do whatever the hell she wants, so you know, it’s alright. But then, it got a lot stranger when Madonna planted a fat one on Drake.
Which again was OK, I guess. I mean they’re both sort of Jewish. I think Madonna was into Kaballah for a little bit. Not that I mind it when Jews and non-Jews bump uglies, in fact I encourage it (Tay Sachs people, it’s a THING). Not to mention, it was kinda hot at first. But then, Madonna took it to darn far. I don’t know exactly was running through MDNA’s brain when she decided to go all in like two teenagers making out in the back of someone’s mom’s minivan. Judge for yourself:
Now, according to the internet (why the hell is Business Insider writing about this?), Drake is saying that we all misunderstood when he stated post-kiss: “What the f-ck just happened?” In fact, literally wiping the kiss from his mouth was clearly a sign of great appreciation. #RapperDrake, do you really think my attention span is that short? I CAN WATCH THE VIDEO ON 30,000 DIFFERENT WEBSITES and your reaction doesn’t look pleased in any one of them.
I get that Drake is scared of the Madonna fans, or getting called ageist, or something along those lines. But come on Drake, we’ll love you no matter what you do. Even though you’re probably really gross because being a celebrity has killed your soul.
Regardless, Madonna needs to back up because I took a “What Famous Nice Jewish Boy Is Your Soulmate” and I got Drake. So stand down, Queen of Pop. Every little thing that you say or do, Im hung up on you(r relationship with my Buzzfeed soulmate).
Dear Drake, Please be “The Best I Ever Had”