Archives For Chicky

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Sarah Silverman’s sister, Rabbi Susan Silverman, was arrested at the Western Wall early last year after refusing to remove her prayer shawl. Susan is a member of Women of the Wall, a feminist organization trying to ensure that all types of Jews are welcome to pray at this holy site in their own fashion. And last night Sarah Silverman joined her sister and lit a menorah as a proverbial ‘fuck you’ to the religious extremists that are in charge of the wall. Sarah’s in town for the Bar Mitzvah of her nephew, so she’s awesome for being a great aunt and a supporter of equality within Judaism (wherever possible).

Happy Hanukkah, Sarah. We hope you can light whatever you want at the Wall, whether it’s a menorah, or joint, or a joint in the shape of a menorah.

//FailedMessiah

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Let’s be real. Your kid owns a lot of stupid, shitty toys. These toys are sold to you (and them) by terrible companies that have zero qualms about advertising to children on their favorite TV shows. Advertising to kids is the worse thing you can do, unless you are a Hipster and have super good taste in everything. Otherwise you’re kid is gonna want to listen to One Direction and barf out with the latest Disney Princess collection.

Buy your child this hipster clothes paper doll set. It’s cheap, it’s JPEG, and you can always edit it how you see fit. It’s cheaper than the trash you’re buying them now, and it harkens back to the days when you’re parents didn’t love you and only bought you the cheapest of cheap toys.

Atleast there’s no small plastic pieces for the dog to choke on/poop out?
//graphicriver

We’ve all been there. Walking down the street, or on your college campus. A Chabad Rabbi is smiling way too charistmatically in front of his ‘Sukkah Mobile’ as he asks if you’re Jewish. You do it, because you have guilt, because you are Jewish. (History should teach us to lie when anyone asks us if we are Jewish.) You make a public spectacle of yourself, you try to move on, and forget that being Jewish can be so embarrassing when it’s thrust upon you like a mountainous burden. It’s tough being Jewish on the strees of NYC.

What I’m trying to say is that this video is perfect. I’m not sure how I feel about it taking away from the original video about women being catcalled, but even as a video on it’s own it is pretty fucking funny.

//Huffpo

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This may be the final death blow to all music everywhere. One day in the future we will say “Music, what was that? You mean the noises the iRobot Corporation makes for us so that we can pretend we live on Earth and not in our space colony?” That music.

Sure, not all of it was great. There was Nickelback. Some of it was secretly sonically delicious, like T-Swift. But atleast it was OUR music. Atleast there was heart and soul. Now, there’s only Sour Patch Kids. In a house. Tricking all of NYC into selling out.

Bands and touring musicians looking for sweet relief from their touring schedules may soon start dreaming about Sour Patch Kids.

A couple weeks ago, the Mondelez-owned candy brand opened up a house in Brooklyn where touring bands can recover from the rigors of the road. It’s called the Brooklyn Patch, and according to Mondelez marketing director Farrah Bezner, the Patch represents a long-term investment in indie music culture.

At what cost? Do you have to burn all your Pixies albums? Do you have to pledge allegiance to Generic Indie Band of the Month? Nothing in life is free, especially with shitty corporations funded by the terrible dentists. Tell me, Sour Patch ‘Kids’, WHAT ARE YOU GETTING IN RETURN?!?! Blow jobs?

Nevertheless, there is a quid pro quo associated with staying at the Patch. Artists who stay at the house are expected to create some content that Sour Patch Kids can share across a number of digital channels, which include a Brooklyn Patch-branded Tumblr as well as the brand’s Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts. Ms. Bezner said it is also exploring the possibility of adding further amplification partners.

Blow jobs.

“We’re a tastemaking agency,” said Alex Kirshbaum, Jesse Kirshbaum’s brother and a partner at NUE Agency. “They trust us.”

Look. Being a musician sucks. The pay is miniscule, if at all, and there’s a ton of hours on the road. But that’s why you have friends, or you meet other bands and crash at each other’s apartments. Don’t sleep at Sour Patch Manor. And definitely don’t trust people who call themselves a ‘tastemaking agency’. Those buzzwords have no place for people who are looking to create expressive, personal art.

 

//Adage

Noad Lahat, Israeli-American UFC fighter, won a bout yesterday and is returning to Israel to rejoin the IDF. Hey, even the great Red Sox Ted Williams went overseas during WWII. Sounds like my perfect weekend.

//Failed Messiah

What’s going on today in the life of Hipsters? Oh, just the usual. Someone making another listicle about hipsters.

What’s this listicle about? It’s about how your kid is turning into a hipster! LOL! Kids wearing sunglasses and watching obscure 90s cartoons.
Maybe your kid acts like a Hipster because you’ve made them into your own hipster-devil spawn? Maybe they watch VHS of Inspector Gadget because you’re a nostalgic monster who won’t let them enjoy Yo Gabba Gabba or Adventure Time?

Kids aren’t Hipsters. You’re a Hipster. Let your kid live and love whatever stupid Disney prince or princess they want.

Just remember, kids hate what their parents love when the kids are all grown up. So do them a favor and ironically love everything they love. I promise, it’ll pay off in the end.

Ben Stein just wanted to sext with a lady. In a classy way.

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Don’t worry though, ol’ Ben has a very reasonable argument.

“I didn’t expect anything from her. Hugging and kissing doesn’t mean I wanted to f–k her. I said that explicitly in my text,” Stein said. “When is it wrong to hug people?”

When is it wrong to hug people, huh? Never. It’s never wrong to hug people. See? Ben Stein is a good guy.

//gawker

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Rick Perry, like many of the Texas governors and presidents before him, loves his Jewish people. He loves them! And by that, I mean he loves the super conservative but wealthy neoconservatives. And by that, I mean he loves their money.

But before diving in, Perry took a moment to appreciate his surroundings. “I’m more Jewish than you think I am,” he told me. “I read the part of the Bible that said the Jews are God’s chosen people.” He boasted that he has been going to Israel since 1992.

Some people don’t know but there is a Jewish hierarchy in the world. It works like this:

Hassidic Jews who live in Israel > Regular Jews who live in Israel > Religious Jews outside of Israel > non-religious Jews who have been to Israel > Goys who have been to Israel since 1992 > Jews who go on Birthright > Jews who vote Democrat > Hipster Jews > Jews who intermarry > Being 1/2 Jewish > Being 1/4 Jewish > Being Dead (maybe?)

//NYTimes

Kosher Enemas! Yum!

Chicky —  06/05/2014 —  Comments

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Kosher used to mean something. It used to mean that a Rabbi came over, looked at some food, and was like ‘yeah seems cool’. Then, it meant that a super religious Rabbi had to look at food and check it over like the world’s most OCD person ever. Being beyond strict used to be what mattered most when some sort of food item was deemed Kosher. But now?

Now anything can be deemed Kosher. It’s like the word has lost all meaning, except for ‘person who cares WAAAAYYY too much about being a better Jew than their neighbor.’ Toilet paper can be Kosher. Plastics can be Kosher. Non-edible lube can be Kosher. And even butt things can be Kosher.

Yeah that’s right, Kosher enemas! When you need solvent put in your tuchus, and it needs to be Kosher (would a Rabbi have to make some sort of ‘No Homo Brucha’ while using this product? Is there such a blessing? I mean, you’re supposed to thank God every time you poop…does this include accidentally pooping your pants..nevermind.)

Turns out you can charge some money and slap a Kosher symbol on anything, because people are gullible. And they* said Rabbis wouldn’t be hip with capitalism!
*No one.

//Failed Messiah

Seth Rogen is always doing nice things. Sometimes he promotes Alzheimer research. Sometimes he acts in movies. Sometimes he gets high with Snoop Dogg and discusses Game of Thrones. Is this not every person’s dream? If it’s not your dream, I probably don’t want to be friends with you.

Can some Jewish organization that does lots of boring things give out a National Jewish Treasure Award? And can Seth Rogen win for 5 years straight?