The Perils of Hipster Dating

She looks hot. But dating hipsters is tricky.

So believe it or not, the wide world of hipster dating is rather daunting. On the surface it seems like it should be easy because you wear the same clothes, drink the same coffee, listen to the same music, and ridicule the same plebeian pop culture. But dig a little deeper into some mass-judgmental armchair psychology and it gets more complicated. Hipsters know that other hipsters project a personality of aloofness and uncaring.

Thus the friends you hang out with (or the hot redhead hipster chick down at the end of the bar you’re chatting up) know that you’re inauthentic. And that’s a great way to get random hookups and disposable relationships. But when it comes to seriously dating a person, the hipster has to let the other person see past their deck facade. That’s when things get weird. Then they find out embarrassing things about you: You’ve never listened to Build to Spill, you think those cheap parody movies (Disaster Movie, Superhero Movie) are funny, you’re actually not a vegan OR localvore. Guaranteed that now if you have a breakup, your cred is ruined FOREVER.

So hipsters have tried to find ways around this. One way called Tastebuds is an online dating site with a musical gimmick. It’s based on your Last.fm profile and matches you with people who listen to the same music that you do (Pandora is so mainstream). This method combines the dullness of already knowing someone’s entire music taste and tendencies, with all of the problems and drawbacks associated with online dating. Fun!

Another way is going to all the hipster hangouts and bars and just trying for fast and casual sexual encounters. Hey, I’m not gonna judge. You can keep striking out, more PBR for me. Besides, this way I can comment to the hot chick next to me about how tryhard all the dudes are here, and act like I’m above it all. Before you know it I’m showing her my vinyl collection back at my place and sealing the deal. I mean, I have the limited pressing Ringo Deathstarr pink/purple swirl 7″. Hipster chicks are into that kind of stuff.

The absolute worst thing you can do is join an online dating service without a gimmick, like Match.com or OkCupid. Before you know it you’ll be messaged by a 19 year old looking for a “serious commitment only” and “long term relationship,” (translation: this baby needs a daddy). And there’s no one on the site that you actually find attractive. Besides, are you really going to try and date someone based off of one 200 x 200 cropped photo? And trust me, none of the chicks on OkCupid are hipsters. I’ve checked.

Don’t even get me started on dating someone who isn’t a hipster. Or a Jew. That’s like, way out of this blog’s area man.