The stars aligned when I was in Providence, Rhode Island this past weekend visiting family for Thanksgiving. I had the opportunity to see Beirut. You know, that band. With all the horn instruments, the ukelele, and the inevitable Hipster King Zach Condon. Man, accordions fuck my shit up!
I’ve grown to appreciate Beirut the past few months. Partly because of my indescribable love for Jeff Mangum. Because Beirut is so obviously influenced by the powerhouse Neutral Milk Hotel.
It was a good show. Good, but not great. And not great because the crowd was nearly motionless. But because indie music has become nothing more than a ‘scene’. It’s liking received badges on 4square. They’re worthless, and you only get them to brag to all your other 4square friends.
So it was with Beirut. Ignoring the fact that the show started at 7 and ended by 9:30 (being drunk has no time restraints), the crowd just didn’t seem to care. And most of it has to do with a lack of concert etiquette, and the need to be somewhere so you can tell all your friends about it who live far away.
My complaints, in order:
1) Taking pictures/videos for the entire set: I know you need to post these pictures to Facebook, but they suck. The lighting is shitty, and your iPhone isn’t professional-grade photography equipment. Nobody is going to see this pictures. Nobody cares. Youtube won’t thank you, unless you are front row. So put them down and just relax. Drink a beer. Dance a little (hipster-style of course).
2) Saying ‘excuse me’ doesn’t mean you can elbow the shit out of people: If you are going to be nice and wait for people to move so you can squeeze closer to the stage to take those really sweet iPhone pics, it’s your god-given right. BUT if you are going to elbow the shit out of me, don’t apologize. Don’t try to pretend that you aren’t being a huge asshole. No need to dick ourselves.
3) Don’t ask for an encore. It’s going to happen. Chant for the double-encore instead: Every band ha a predetermined encore. It’s a fact. The encore is entirely expected–it just becomes stupid. What ever happened to making your audience wanting more? In a couple years all bands will be following this strategy: Play a 30 minute set. Leave. Play a 30 minute encore. Leave. Play one last 30 minute set. Go home.
4) Go to a show and enjoy it. I know, you are there to hit on some Hipster biddies. You want to brag to your friends. But for fuck’s sake, actually enjoy yourself. Immerse yourself in the moment and leave the technology in your pocket.
So there you go. Follow these rules and I’ll judge you a little less.
