Dear Hipsterjew,
I have a date tonight. Should I take her to Kol Nidre, a dive bar, or cancel?
-Confused Jew
Dear Confused Jew,
It seems like you have entered Einstein’s Paradigm of Good Times. You see, there is a reason Einstein didn’t really believe in Judaism, or God, for that matter. He was a good, Jewish agnostic. But even his agnosticism didn’t hold off his intense Jewish guilt (he did escape before the Holocaust, after all). Einstein’s paradigm of good times is simple: Do you pray to God (have a terribly boring time but feel guilt free), or do you try to get laid (have an awesome time but feel like the guilty sinner you are)?
I believe there is one easy way to decide this, and it all depends on what you are looking from this girl. Are you looking for someone to meet your parents, settle down, and co-create a Jewish family? Or are you looking for someone to plow?
Good luck out there. Just remember that no matter what happens, God will be watching you. He’s such a nosy perv sometimes.
-HipsterJew
