Why Is Life Like This for Young Jewish Girls?

My fellow Jews, why do you continue to confuse and upset me? One day you’re all annoying because you actually believe in God, next your annoying me because you’re all like “I’m not sure I believe in God but I believe in being fashionable and a 13-year-old.”

I just want to know once and for all why I get such pleasure out of arbitrarily ranting about this entire group that I am sort of involved in. Is it because being religion bothers me? Is it because religious people are often hypocrites? Is it because I really don’t like long skirts or head coverings?

All I am really certain of is that I could not take this video. I’m not sure if it was because I had to watch a ginger talk for 5 minutes.  Or maybe’s it’s because I really hate bandanas. Or possibly its because of the very uncomfortable, poorly edited clips of famous Jewish people that had no sound and were just awkwardly placed in the speech.

Who is this? And why does he look like a mix of Jason Segal and the villain from The Incredibles?

Little girl, like every young Jewish girl before you, you are at a crossroads. You can either be one of those people who shops at consignment shops and listens to  old records while smoking a joint OR you can be one of those girls who only wears designer labels and spends her free time writing snarky comments about which sorority is more slutty on CollegeACB.

Please. Make the right choice. I believe in you.