I’m getting tired of being told I’m not Jewish enough. It’s not my fault my father decided to fall in love with a shiksa and get married and have babies. It’s not my fault I was one of the babies born. It’s not my fault that back in the dizz-ay Roman soldiers kept raping nice jewish girls.
In light of this growing annoyance on my part, I’ve decided we should come up with a new way to define our “Jewish soul”. I think you’re going to love it.
Almost as much as you love this.
We should develop a point system. You have asthma? 50 POINTS! Your grandmother still overfeeds you then reminds you that you were much skinnier last summer? 200 POINTS! You found the Afikoman? 20 POINTS PLUS SOME CHOCOLATE MATZO!
I recently introduced my goyish friend to gefilte fish. I think I should rewarded for this. Spreading understanding about our culture should be 5000 points on the point system. Jews who control the media, lets figure this out.
David Appletree
09/02/2011
While I make no judgements of you or your Jewish heritage, I’m sure you’re aware that Torah Law is pretty clear on who is and who is not a Jew, and that it’s through the maternal line. This is an entertaining post, but as I’m sure you know, you could always look into a conversion and embrace the 613. Certainly no one would claim you aren’t Jewish enough then!