Last weekend, the East Coast of the United States had its first brush with tropical weather in recent memory. As often happens during these storms, there was significant property damage and dozens of deaths. Rational people would assume that the feds would help the unfortunates who lost their homes, cars, livelihoods, etc. rebuild.
Enter Congressman Eric Cantor and his merry band of Tea Party brigands. Cantor is proposing that any and all federal aid to hurricane affected region be accompanied by cuts elsewhere. That’s a great idea; the first thing we cut is the 7th District of Virginia, Eric Cantor’s district. His district is relatively wealthy, and doesn’t need government money, since it’s extracted from the blood of coal mining children.
Cantor’s Tea Party lick-spittles are worse. They include Steve Scalise and Jeff Landry, both congressmen from South Louisiana. South Louisiana was devastated by Hurricanes Katrina and Rita and remains deeply dependent on federal funding in its continuing efforts to reconstruct itself.
Steve Scalise being Steve Scalise
Fortunately, I am a self-employed woodsman who lives in South Louisiana. I will soon write to both of these clowns. Below is a draft of what I will tell them:
Dear Congressman Scalise/Landry,
Thank you for your courageous efforts to cut the Federal deficit. It is a wonderful idea to tie aid to victims of Hurricane Irene to it . We in South Louisiana should lead by example and forgo our federal government money to help them rebuild. Why? Simply because the odds of Louisiana being struck by a hurricane are considerably greater than New England’s. The next time we’re leveled by a hurricane, they’ll do the same. Right?
Even if they don’t, never fear! I am a self-employed woodsman, can build a fleet of pirogues in an afternoon to rescue the survivors from the hurricane’s storm surge, then I can teach them how to catch fish using only the pieces of their former lives that go floating by.
I hope this idea is as intriguing to you as it is to me.
Sincerely,
A-Train
