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How many time has this happened to you? You’re riding your fixie down the bike lane, and some rich prick’s Mercedes is illegally parked right in your way. So you swerve out into the road, only to be picked off by a passing Hummer, and when you wake up in the hospital the doc is sewing your feet to your knees, turning your cut-offs back into frayed jeans. Sucks, doesn’t it?
Well, according to the Guardian hipster Mayor of Vilnius city municipality Artūras Zuokas has come up with an innovative solution to those illegally parking in bike lanes. While American politicians were arguing about whether or not to cut off poor people’s water or their electricity, “Art” was out there getting things done.
How? With a goddamn tank.
If you watched the video above you might’ve seen the smiling man (Art) in the front of the tank (well, technically it’s an armored personnel carrier, but what matters is that Art thinks it’s a tank) riding to work on his little bicycle down Vilnius’ cobblestone streets. Then, in all the glory of pseudo-90s video editing, we’re treated to Art’s thinking. What to do about the problem of rich assholes parking their cars in bicycle lanes? Obviously, get a tank.
Notice that’s his first solution. There isn’t some limp-wristed response of linking the tickets to the car’s worth, or maybe taxing cars in the city limits. Nope, it’s crush ‘em with a tank. Think you’re above the law? Well the law’s above you. With a tank.
And how cool is Art? Well, he sweeps up the broken glass with a pushbroom before riding away on his bicycle. After threatening the illegal parkers of Vilnius with more car-crushing exploits.
Now, you might point out that this is all staged. First, the crushed Mercedes was bought specifically to be crushed. So the Euro-trash fat cat that comes out at the end? Just an actor, I guess. But personally, I think it makes it all the more awesome. Not only did Vilnius hire a tank to protect bicycle lanes, but he bought a Mercedes specifically to be crushed. Austerity be damned, we’ve got a tank.
