On August 27th, 2011 I, a self-employed woodsman and nudge extraordinaire, was supposed to begin a ten-month journey to Israel. To get there I was supposed to take three flights: MSY to JFK, JFK to BRU, and BRU to TLV. (If you don’t recognize any of those airport abbreviations, you aren’t cool enough for me to explain them. This is an elitist hipster website after all.) Unfortunately, Hurricane Irene and the City of New York had other plans. New York closed JFK to outgoing flights more than 24 hours before Irene’s predicted arrival.
Flights were leaving out of New Orleans 6-8 hours before Katrina, a much stronger storm. I don’t understand why the airports were shut 24 hours ahead of Irene, especially given the calm and rational way American cities have traditionally dealt with disasters. (Note the intentional irony.)
I believe that the real reason for the problems the East Coast has been having over the past few weeks, earthquakes, hurricanes, and Republicans are directly linked to the concept of Koyaanisqatsi. What other explanation could there be? Who outside of New York lives in tiny, ant-like hives scuttling about looking for morsels of food dropped by our capitalist overlords?
As a woodsman, I enjoy eating ants. They make a tasty snack and are delectable when dipped in unpasteurized honey. To prevent future catastrophe, we must return to nature, no matter how many die in the process. Environmentalism forever!
I am one of these men. Not going to tell you which.
