Dear Mr Matthew Epstein,
Google is neat. They are a large corporation which will most likely take over the world. Everyone wants to be on the winning side, I get that. It sounds fun to work at their branches, and you get some sweet benefits. Sounds pretty fun.
And I want you to work for Google. I wish you luck! But have you considered working for free to turn a small hip indie blog into the next big internet sensation? You’ve obviously got some good comedic ideas, commendable writing skills, and the type of (fake) Tom Selleck mustache to turn a 45 year old gay hipster straight. On top of that, your marketing skills are pretty fucking impressive.
Of course we can’t pay you, unless you have some Jewish magic up those sleeves of yours, to turn this fledgling site into Jew gold. But you can become a part of something wonderful. We love our scotch and 90s pop culture, too, Mr. Selleck Epstein.
And, we totally need to get into the vlog business.
Anyhow, if you would like to chat more about this, please respond to this message. We don’t require pants on our job, btdubs, bb. ;-)
-Chicky & The Duckman @ Hipsterjew.com
P.S. If you get the Google job your coworkers are going to expect this type of ridiculous everyday, every year. We’d love to brainstorm with you so that you don’t ‘burn out’ too quickly.
