In my rompings around this great world, I have noticed an interesting new phenomena. The older generation of hipsters (ages 25 to 30) are HAVING BABIES. You can’t go to a park anymore without seeing hipster boy, hipster girl, and hipster…baby? Hipster baby?
What the hell is this?
I guess it had to happen. For centuries, maybe even thousands, millions of years men and women have been making babies and starting families. It happened with the flappers in the 20s, it happened with the baby boomers when they grew up in the 80s, and the aging hippies kicked in around the 90s (baby names like Willow and Stream). Everyone makes babies. Why can’t hipsters do it too?
The only thing that really bothers me about this whole situation is the baby names. Baby names you ask? What could possibly be bad about baby names? Well, sir or madame, let me tell you a little story about this website I just found.
Hipsters are so mainstream we even have websites dedicated to our CONVENTIONAL and MAINSTREAM baby names? Someone pick me up before my body cannot handle this anymore and my bones all disintegrate and I just break in half. And to top it off, I pity the children stuck with these names. Atticus? Butch? Hazel? Oh don’t worry, your kids definitely won’t get made fun of by the other kids in elementary school for having an old person name. OH WAIT.
Apparently I’m not the only who is concerned about all these weird hipster babies. The source of all knowledge, the Catholics via the Catholic Education Resource Center, complain that hipsters are parents that do not want to have the responsibility of taking care of a child like a real adult. All hipsters want is a little carbon copy of themselves that they can dress up like Woody Allen and take to concerts. Our hipster generation was told we were unique and special snowflakes for too damn long, now we think our children are as well. We want to make them unique and special versions of us.
Furthermore, the Center carries on in their arguent about the “Hipster curse” by arguing that hipster babies are just for making hipsters feel loved. Like a puppy or kitten or a night of drinking:
Throughout the book, Armstrong publishes the ‘letters” she wrote to her daughter at different stages of her first year of development. The last letter, written when her daughter was nine months old, ends with an explication of what she loves so much about her: “I love that you hug me tightly…. I love it that you cry when I leave and then brighten up like a sun-flooded room when I come back.” Although she clearly loves her daughter, what Armstrong really loves is how her daughter makes her feel: wanted and adored.”
Sorry that hipsters have babies to make themselves happy instead of to appease God. I’m sure all fifteen of your children get all the attention they deserve.
Don’t listen to the haters, hipsters. Live long and prosper. Someone needs to carry on the legacy of your taste in music/ mad photography skills.
This baby is so cool he wears sunglasses in the house.
