I’ve had some problems with the Google in the past. And not just problems like I can’t do anything else because I’m too busy looking up ways to say rude statements in different languages on Google Translate. Or even problems like how I don’t now navigate without using the interwebs to THE ONLY GOOD BAGEL PLACE IN AUSTIN because I am completely dependent on Google maps. These small problems with Google are not what bother me. I’ve got real problems*.
For example, the stupid Google “doodles”. I’m so over them. They were cute at the beginning. “Oh look! They are commemorating an important holiday with a cute doodle thing! That’s adorable!” But then…. a doodle for pacman, a doodle for the first day of summer, a doodle for the anniversary of my menarche. Come on.
That’s a bunch of menarche**!
It wouldn’t be half so bad if the Googs actually celebrated things that were worth celebrating. Like gay pride month. And the fact that gay marriage is now legal in New York. But alas, the little Google elves that work in my computer were all like “Naww son, we don’t want anyone to know we support the gays.”
Instead of a doodle, a rainbow popped up on the sidebar whenever you typed in something gay. So really, the only way a homophobe could witness Google’s support for homosexuals would be when they typed in “sexy gay man porn”.
Well done Google.
I mean I guess it’s cool that there has “never been an actual Google doodle in honor of gay pride.” Whatever. It’s not like the Stonewall Riot meant anything. Or the murder of Matthew Shepherd. Or that one time I made out with a girl at that frat party***. Let’s just pretend none of these things ever happened and ignore civil rights.
But don’t tell Google.
* I’m sorry Google, I don’t really mean it, please let me still use you to search for the best way to glutin-free banana muffins.
**menarche: like a a bunch of MALARKEY. Get it?
*** This event never actually occurred.
