A “Sexual thrill ride”

It is my firm belief that Jewish children are thoroughly oversexed; more so then the children of goyishe. I draw this conclusion from years of babysitting said Jewish children. I truly think that we are introduced to sexy-times way earlier in life thanks to the establishment of Jewish summer camp, i.e. “Jew-Camp” where every gentile child knows, Jews go to get their first handjobs et al.

From the ages of 10-14, I spent every summer at Camp Judaea being stuffed chock full with Zionism and fledgling sexual experiences.

But seriously, this is a crucial age period and to set a bunch of blossoming young Jews free for 3.5 weeks in the heat of summer without any real adult supervision is a recipe for procreation…which is exactly what the aim of Jewish sleep-away camp is, to sew our wild oats and make lifelong connections with other Jewish children that will hopefully one day become strong, Zionist partnerships.
This is not to say that there is no supervision- I was a camp counselor for two summers at this same camp and when I was not busy getting busy with those now grown-up kids from my childhood, I was providing excellent supervision.

Once again, Urban Dictionary steps in:
“Jew Camp is a place which is labelled by Jewish adults as:

“A place where Jewish teens can congregate in a safe and welcoming environment to learn more about their Judaic lifestyles and traditions.”
But whether they’re willing to admit it or not, everyone knows that there is only one reason anyone sends kids to Jew Camp: to procreate the species. Jew Camp is about Jewish teens getting together, yes, but the learning is just a time killer until it’s dark enough to go find a nice cabin (or spot in the woods, or gazebo, or baseball diamond, or orange grove, or amphitheater, or, well, you get the picture) to satisfy their most basic hormonal urges.

The most “active” day of and Jew Camp setting is from friday night until saturday night. This is commonly known in the Jewish world as Shabbat, the day of rest. But rest and relaxation are only the front put on the day during which it is a double-mitzvah (it fulfills two commandments from the Torah) to fornicate. During this period, these two mitzvot are often adhered to and fulfilled as often as possible, usually with the excuse, “I’m just trying to be a better Jew,” whether the young Jew actually attempts to follow mitzvot or not.

So true Urban Dictionary. I remember being 11 years old lying in the shade during Shabbat with my little Semitic gfs (who I was always jealous of for looking Jewish, alas for my Irish roots) and being aware that not all was PG under the blanket to my left.

But it’s not all fun and sun at Jewish sleep-away camp.
I remember the anguish I felt at 10, knowing that we were supposed to find dates to the end-of-the-session dance. I was puny, underdeveloped and a huge elitist even at this tender age, so this was particularly horrifying for me. I truly feel that if I hadn’t been forced to interract so aggressively at such an early age, I wouldn’t be so miserably stunted now.

So thanks for that, Jew-Camp.

You ain’t kidding, ironic tee