1. They smoke all my weed and then never call me when they buy a dime of mids
2. Pap-smear has a whole different meaning to HJs.
3. They’ll spend sex-sessions schooling you in really obscure, underground positions that you’ve never heard of and are pretty sure they’ve made up. And are extremely uncomfortable.
4. Have you ever given a hipster jew head? You’re sure to get a load of irony.
5. Skinny jeans shatter bones…and boners.
6. Tight t-shirt fixation causes fights with younger sister because her doll clothes continuously disappear.
7. The only people who attempt to pass under tipping the waiter off as an ironic way to impress their date.
8. You don’t even wanna know the weird stuff they do with tefillin.
9. Their fashionable nihilism rapidly turns to self-loathing and demands to watch The Nanny after sex.
10. They end up shitting on every song you love. Even if they listen to it.
11. Their breath constantly smells like a disgusting mix of pbr, lox, and cigarettes.
12. Their idea of a good date is making you watch scenes from environmentally-themed broadcast media…ironically. Get used to Fern Gully and Captain Planet EVERY NIGHT
13. They treat their record collection better than anything that breaths
14. Smoking a cigarette after sex is fine. Smoking a cigarette during sex is just uncomfortable.
15. Dating someone when you can share outfits is just weird.
16. Watch out for Tay Sachs. But seriously. Get tested.
17. They constantly ask me to fuck them on their fixie
18. That trust fund is going to run out of eventually, and what will you and your hipster jew love do when his broadcast journalism major becomes a dead end? Those vinyls won’t pay for themselves.
