How to Listen to Rap: a Guide From Hipster Jew

“Hipster Jew!” you ask, “It seems like this rap thing is really the coolest thing around right now. What should I listen to?” Well, that is a loaded question, dear readers. But fear not! Hipster Jew will always be here to help you develop your musical taste (to our very hip and exacting specs)!

First off, since this is a musical question, and you’re reading a hipster blog, we need to take Pitchfork into account. It can’t be helped. You need to either like everything they like, or proclaim that Pitchfork doesn’t know anything about rap, and dislike everything that they like. Bonus points for calling those artists “entry level.”

Best rap album ever, or complete trash and only liked because p4k is in love with Kanye? There is no third option.

Step two, you need to at least fake respect towards the old school. Pay lip service, even if you don’t actually like it. You need some A Tribe Called Quest, De La Soul, and Public Enemy in your collection. Remember this, too: the further back into the 80′s your rap collection goes, the more cred you get. I’d advise picking up some Sugarhill Gang or Grandmaster Flash if you really want to be a hipster-hop person.

Finally, know about the different target audiences. Groups like Odd Future are a no-no since they are popular among white middle class highschoolers, aka people who live in the suburbs. So unhip. You need to listen to groups and artists who are popular among white upper-middle class college kids/trust funders who live in the city, aka hipsters.

If all else fails, steer the conversation back into familiar waters, like the newest Antlers release, or how lame Arcade Fire is now that they’ve won a Grammy. At least then you can pretend to know what the fuck you’re talking about without being exposed as a fake.