True or False:

1. BBM is a bowel movement
2. When I grow up, I want to marry an accountant, lawyer, or doctor.
3. In Junior High I had the thickest mustache in my class
4. Ugg boots are the golden calf equivalent
5. NJBs (nice Jewish boys) are awful at sexing, but I’m scared of uncircumcised penises
6. Money means nothing to me. I care more about love. WHAT!?! He only makes 25K a year… I’d rather love someone else.
7. Girls should split the bill on a date
8. The only time I call my daddy is to tell him how much money he needs to send me.
9. I may, or may not have gone out with my pot dealer for a month… or 3 years…
10. Love going out with my BFF’s.

Fill in the Blank

1. Sweat pants with words on the butt are slutty. So I wear them ______ times a week
2. I spend an average of ______ hours a day putting on makeup.
3. I drive a ______ car
4. This spring break I am going to ______ Caribbean Island
5. I wake up in the morning feeling like _______

Word Problems (Please show all math)

1. Classic Pale Pink or Bright Pink. OMG I can’t go out tonight until I decide what to paint my nails.
2. If his bank account gets $8,000 a month at age 27, at what age will you be able to retire?
3. If I stopped going to Jewish sleep away camp at age X, and at that age I gave Y blow jobs to Z different men, how bad are my daddy issues (out of a scale of 100)
4. Daddy spent $______ on my Bat Mitzva which happens to be $______ less than my total college tuition. Not really a question. Just bragging.
5. Can you name the last 5 guys you hooked up with? Didn’t think so.

Images

Is this a vase, or two Jewish fathers sending you to your room for being a dirty whore

Is this a knock off?

Which birthday does this image remind you of?