I recently opened my high school yearbook. Partly I wanted to laugh at all those losers who I went to school with, and remember how much better I am than they are. But I also wanted to see what my aspirations in life were as an 18 year old cocksure high school graduate. Do you know what it didn’t say? Grammar Nazi.
I didn’t dream of being a grammar Nazi. I always dreamed of playing a role in a major motion picture, where as the protagonist my job was to kill as many zombie Nazis as possible. (Because zombie Nazis will eat anyone except a Jew…)
But here I am. As the only person willing to carry the banner of the English language at HipJew, I’ve become the defacto Grammar Nazi. Let me tell you how each of our writers sucks at their one spoken and written language.
This is one angry grammar nazi you don't want to fuck with
When The Duckman was in Kindergarten he used to write at a 4th grade level. In 4th grade he wrote at a 4th grade level. As he did in 5th and 6th grade. Needless to say, he still writes like a 9 year old. I don’t mean a 9 year old who has found the internet. I mean the type that writes really shitty 3-paragraph reports on Thomas Jefferson for Social Studies.
Alex – Resident Goy Writer rarely makes a typo. But when he does I laugh on the inside. Because I’m a perfectionist and I want this blog to be perfect in every single way. And it always feels good to correct someone who has an English degree. But, I don’t ever tell him I corrected his posts. That would ruin the layers of passive-aggressive superiority I have been building up against him these past few years.
The Coach went to school for journalism. I hope it shows. But he’s too busy getting mustache rides to treat HJ like the good friend it has been. I won’t hate you. Your mustache sports journalism is top notch. And I mean it. You’ll probably be writing for ESPN.com soon. I think that’s a good thing(?).
IronyonRye likes to use big words because he is an elitist of elitists. Whatever. Half the time I hope he uses them incorrectly so that he can look like a jackass.
I’ve got nothing on A-Train, and Shlitz Lipz. Don’t worry, I’ll still find a way to hate you too.
Schlitz
04/14/2011
YOU’LL NEVER GET ANYTHING ON ME.
Alex - Resident Goy Writer
04/14/2011
Whoa, dude. What about those times when I make a typo and you let them go through.
P.S. My degree is not in English. I didn’t want a degree that was even debatable in its usefulness. It’s in Creative Writing.
IronyOnRye
04/14/2011
You’re just jealous of my mastery and utter subjugation of the English language, and the fact that I got it without a liberal arts degree. Come at me bro
The Coach
04/14/2011
I’m actually just trying to revive print media by bringing down the quality of online content one blog at a time.
Chicky
04/15/2011
I wish you luck. Is this including livejournal and blogger blogs or only ones with a readership of atleast 200?