Dear Birthright,
I know we’ve had a little bit of fun in the past. I mean, not personally me. I hated my trip. The ratio was 3 guys for every girl and there were only like 4 single girls. On top of that, 90% of the guys were in a frat. So there was no chance of me having fun, or getting laid. It’s not completely your fault, but it is your fault. The only I manage to have fun is by hearing other people’s trips. Like that one time this girl got finger banged by all the Israeli soldiers. Even the girl soldiers. Awesome story. Kind of surprised no one has written a porno based on their Israel experience. Kind of surprised you haven’t put up the funding for one either. I mean, hello. #2 goal for Birthright = Jewish babies.
What I really came here to talk about was your new project Taking Back Zionism. I know you mean well, but the people you are trying to convince are not buying it. You put up a propaganda site, hoping to convince people you are propaganda free. Maybe someone will buy it, but you are literally scaring most people away.
Let me tell you something about the Jewish youth. We are passive people who don’t like to be told what to do. We are left leaning, yet hardly give a shit about politics. We care more about life, then about ideas. If you want our attention, you must face things head on instead of skirting around the issues. Instead of telling far left groups like J Street that they can’t participate because they don’t have similar beliefs. Instead of sending people away because your donors don’t like them.
We see what you do. We see your motives. And frankly, most of us just use you to get a free trip to a foreign land. What we see isn’t Israel because that is not what you show us. What we see is a Disney Land version of a land that is rich in culture, food, people, and issues that we all deal with. You bastardize feelings and create a fake desire. For what? The greater good of the people? We see through it. We see through you. And with this, young Jews are silently boycotting you. Partying in a foreign land is not worth the risks of becoming a sheep or a pawn in your game. Many times we feel like nothing more than names on an emailing list you constantly harass with Birthright Next invitations, not people who understand there is something greater to the word and meaning of Zionism.
I understand most people need to be treated like 8 year olds. If you let Frat boys run wild in your streets, then bad things will happen. But at the same time, the people that actually care are watching you. When we see things like “Taking back Zionism”, and you disallowing groups like J Street from participating, we take note that you are not open to discussion. That you feel threatened if an outside view crawls in. We have views. And we wish you stopped painting a black and white photo of something much more colorful.
Chicky might have painted a picture that he was having fun on his trip. And it’s true, he did have fun. But upon reflection we all see the same thing. We see our experiences as fake. Something you pieced together in an unholy way. The Kibbutzes were fake, the tourist traps were fake, the attempt to bolster the Israeli economy was fake. Masada, fake. Jerusalem, fake. Even an argument I had in Tel Aviv with a man at the shuk (open air market) seems like something you pieced together. Just like Disney Land, it has a beautiful exterior. But the inner workings are ugly as hell.
You really need to call me ASAP. Your shit is getting out of control and you need to hire me to control it.
With much love
-The Duckman
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