Hey NASA, it’s your good friends at HipsterJew. I know you’ll never listen to good music like us, or dress as fashionably as we do. I know you might be mad that we stole your nerdgoggle look and made it trendy. And I know that you are jealous that we live in glamorous places, while you’re stuck in Florida and Texas. But hey, I think we can help you out! We have a great idea for your newest space ship. I mean, you’re seriously not going to use the Soyuz to get into space, are you? You should totally use these bad boys:
The very latest and greatest in space technology.
Oh sure, you might think that this is a bad idea because most of the US isn’t Jewish. But so what? Most people don’t care about the space program anymore. This would be a perfect opportunity to get a concrete demographic on your side for good. Plus, if there was an asteroid in your way, you could just turn a little bit up and the rock would go right through the middle, with no damage. And that would look cool. You could put video of that up on youtube and make some advertising money. Besides, every other country who has satellites and spaceships in orbit would be totally jealous of our sexy new fleet. It would make the Soyuz, international space station, and everything else look like a flying tin can. There’d be no way to counter it. A spaceworthy crucifix would look pretty dumb.
The only disadvantage I can think of is that the astronauts wouldn’t be allowed to bring pork with their space rations. But that’s a small price to pay for flying a bunch of ships this awesome.
