So, today I was watching a television show from my youth on Nickelodeon when my entire world was flipped, turned upside down.
Now I’d like to take a minute… to explain this monster. There I was sitting, eating a $2.75 hoagie from my local bodega, wrapped in a Star Wars blanket, snuggling with my chinchilla, as comfortable as can be. Then, when I least expected it, the horror of horrors appeared on the screen.
CUPONK!
What the fuck is Cuponk you may ask?
As described by the Hasbro Games website the object of the game is to throw a ping pong ball near a cup and..
“Get it in and you’ll hear the sweet sounds of victory, YEAH! You rock. Miss the shot and your friends get the chance to one-up you. When playing CUPONK your entire home can become a legitimate playing field.”
There are multiple reasons that Cuponk is the game of idiots.
First, it appears to be training wheels for beer pong. It is, in fact, the boot camp young hebros must go through to join such frats as Aepi. They must utilize this beer pong conditioning in their parents’ garages as a way of upping their douche factor for the upcoming year. In the midst of all the college applications, they train vigorously for another aspect of college life…impressing chicks at parties with their sweet pong moves.
Secondly, why can’t you just buy a ping pong ball and a simple cup separately? Is that not cool enough now? Does it have to be a light-up cup? Have we gotten to the point that we need the cup to congratulate us after we “sink it”? This is how our generation has turned out. All that instant gratification stuff I hear about has led us to believe we constantly need light up cups to reassure us that we done good.
Finally, I would like to point that this game is clearly for old women who are out of touch with reality. Even now, I imagine my grandmother buying this for my teenage cousin’s birthday. He unwraps it, and begins to cry. This, HOPEFULLY, is not what the kids are really into these days. I would like to think it is just a distorted view the elderly have. If not, I worry that my generation is in fact, totally braindead.
CUPONK!!!
