As a young Jewish girl sheltered from the world my biggest fear is witnessing the terrifying impurities that one may face in the backyard of the Sitra Acha, Ocean City.
You never know what you will find at the beach aka playground of Satan. There’s shrimp in the water and I’m pretty sure if you drink their pee that’s not kosher, not to mention the fact that water and sand together cannot be holy.
In this inferno of sunscreen-covered backs and salty picnic lunches, only one clothing choice fights for the forces of Good… Aqua Modesta!
Dressin' like a super-Jew was never so sexy.
The last thing I want to see in the hellfires of the beach is an attractive woman showing off her figure. It’s competition. Really. Those stupid harlots running around Baywatch-style making me look bad in front of that guy over there on that palm tree towel who has the six pack. It’s disgusting. Can’t they just be comfortable with their beautiful souls like the rest of us?
Now, they have no excuse for their godless actions.
Much thanks for this genius invention, Mrs.Regine Omid Tessone, you have changed my life for the better. I have nothing else to say or I might vomit all over my super-cute Macbook.
Wow! Who knew dressing modestly could lead to walking on water? Sign me up!
