Birthright Day 11 – Tel Aviv, Jaffa, Shalom!

The last day in Israel. A country where I can stare at beautiful girls and not feel parent-related guilt. Because the girls are probably Jewish. Today is the day I’m supposed to find the Israeli hipsters in hordes, in Tel Aviv. A city full of designer clothes, Western values, and beaches.

We began the day by visiting Jaffa, a coastal town just south of Tel Aviv. We wandered the stone alleyways until we came to a flea market. This flea market had every piece of shit you could imagine. People were selling used camera batteries, 1-piece ski suits, every type of porn imaginable, and a staple of Israeli records.

Best picture I took. Man do I have some photo skillz or what?

I was excited to haggle. I love haggling, especially in a foreign language. I can throw on a persona and be the biggest d-bag, and I don’t feel bad because I’m not speaking English. It’s like using the word ‘puta’ all the time in Spanish, and not caring who hears it because it isn’t your first language. Cultural insensitivity makes it much easier to be a terrible person.

However, I couldn’t find anything worth haggling for. Which is impressive, because I own so much worthless shit. Like a bowling pin named The Dude, a child sized Pokemon backpack, and a plastic WWE belt. And yet I couldn’t find anything worth buying. Maybe tacky trash seems more impressive in the States.

One of our soldiers worked in journalism in Jaffa with the army, and he walked us to his favorite hummus place for lunch. A huge bowl full of delicious hummus. I was always incredulous, but it truly was the best hummus I ever tasted. It also felt good to have my first real Israeli experience. It took until the last day, but there we were at a table in an authentic Israeli hummus restaurant, surrounded by Israelis. It felt good.

We also walked around downtown Tel Aviv. While my Israeli hipster soldier showed me the hippest bar in Tel Aviv, it wasn’t open at noon. No hipster would be drinking that early. Sadly my search for the Israeli hipsters would have to be postponed. I wouldn’t even get the Macabee beer from the men of Raw Men Empire that I was promised.

After that we bussed over to downtown Tel Aviv. We stopped at Rabin Square, where Yitzhak Rabin was assassinated. His assassination is the American version of JFK. And just like JFK’s murder it changed the national mindset. I had learned about it years ago in Hebrew school, but it definitely meant more seeing the square in person.

They've attempted to make this trip one huge emotional rollercoaster. I'm in the back.

We then went to Independence Hall to learn about Tel Aviv’s history. Needless to say, many of us fell asleep. Our ears were talked off by some dude who made some awesomely terrible jokes. And one part that was a total downer.

“It was in Tel Aviv that the Macabee games were started in the 1930s. Jews from all over the world came. A few years later, many would perish in the Holocaust.”

Jeez. Way to ruin the mood.

I also was able to visit an old childhood friend of mine, who I hadn’t seen in 3 years. He had made aliyah (moved to Israel as a citizen) at the age of 20, which is fucking insane. But hey, whatever makes a man happy.

Israel's Independence Hall. I wonder how many on our trip ever went to America's Independence Hall. Copycats.

As we neared the end, we had to say goodbye to the soldiers we had known for a whole 4 days. Turns out when you spend all your time with someone you get a bit attached after 4 days. Damnit, birthright. Way to give me a personal connection to the holy land.

As we had our last group talk session, we all felt pretty close to eachother. We made inside jokes to the group, thought fondly about the past 10 days which felt like a month. This was it. The conclusion to our free Israel trip. Where in ten days we all became bffs. In America most of us probably would have existed in entirely different social circles. It’s not like I hang out with AEPi boys ever. But in Israel, it felt as if none of that mattered. In Israel we were all faceless American Jews, traveling together on a unique cultural experience, while supporting the Israeli economy.

I will be most disappointed that I will never have an opportunity to use the 12+ years of Hebrew that I took. The Hebrew that allowed me to talk like a dirty, perverse 5 year old. Excellent.

After bag check and security (where I wasn’t questioned or molested again), I had to spend my last 200 shekel somewhere. Who knows when or if I’d ever come back. So of course I, cracked out from 10 days of little sleep, went to Duty Free to buy some Jack. I love my whiskey. But when I got to the gate, the lady confiscated by booze. I should have just bought a crapload of nips. I was outraged but too tired to really care.

Unlike the plane ride there, where I couldn’t sleep, I slept like a baby on the way home. Time to return home(?). Or am I leaving home? I feel so confused. You’re tearing me apart, Israel!