Dear Twitter,
Our relationship has been on the rocks for awhile now. I’ve been avoiding you for some time. You are boring. And you are lazy.
(I just fit that shit into 140 characters. Eat me.)
I am not a man to lie. I am not a man to make up disgusting things about people and or websites. But It was you the whole time. You are the reason i am breaking up with you. It’s not as if I was cheating on you with Tumblr or Live Journal. They are as dirty and skanky as you are.But I’m just sick of you. I made a list of things I dislike about you. I hope you change for the next person that falls for your bullshit. Please take this personally.
- Nothing intelligent can be explained in 140 characters
- Your users just yell at walls. So many voices shouting, no one can hear anything.
- theduckmanz just obtained the 4sq butthead badge
- It’s nice that many companies and blogs use you as an rss feed, but now that I use a REAL rss feed, I have no use for you.
- What the fuck are trending topics. So people in Boston are talking about the Red Sox game. Big FAAHKIN deal.
- Lenon is world trending topic for John Lennon’s 30th death anniversary. Why? Because people keep tweeting “His name is not Lenon… Idiots”
- Twitter is made up of bullshit cliques I feel i should call “the twiteralli”. These cliques make up stupid hashtags. For example: Hockey fans on twitter are twatting #NHLprinters. What the fuck is this? It’s not even funny. I can’t associate myself with this shit.
- Your porn and spam filter is worse than old school email address.
- There is no ability to “ignore all stupid tweets.” If there was, I’d only see 5 tweets a day
- I seem to only tweet when I poop. That’s how much I think about you.
- rant rant rant rant! (3/3)
- rant rant raaaaaaaaant (2/3)
- rant rant rantrant rant (1/3)
- It seems to be that only girls are on twitter. So I wonder… Why am I on twitter?
- Theduckmanz just became mayor of Pizza Hut
So fuck off twitter. I’m going to write my status updates in my moleskin.
-luv @theduckmanz
(Please note that @hipsterjew is still up and running. Its all PR. so follow us!)
James Finney
12/10/2010
You’re not an engineer, where did you get a moleskin? You shouldn’t be allowed to have one of those.
Alex - Resident Goy Writer
12/10/2010
Uh, writers get moleskines, too. I think the product description actually puts Hemingway before Da Vinci. The modern ones are even based on Bruce Chatwin’s notebook.
James Finney
12/10/2010
Quiet heebster, keep your ‘facts’ out of this discussion.
The Duckman
12/10/2010
You can buy them at any art store brah.