Twenty10: The Year We Died

Hipsters have had some good years this past decade. The music industry loved us and alt-bros wanted to be us. The micro beers were flowing and the alt chicks looked hotter then ever. I just started revamping my record collection and I got hours of shoegaze and dream pop that I have yet to listen to. Twenty10 has been fucking great! So you would guess that it was a shock to me when I heard we died.

For months we have been reporting that the liberal media has been trying to kill us off. Gawker started calling hipsters “fauxhemians”. New York Times stated hipsters are dead and they will not print that word anymore. Am Appy is threatening to stop selling hipster clothing. It was only a matter of time before someone wrote a book about how we lived, driving the final nail in the coffin. Thats it folks. Remember this day in Twenty10. We are dead. We don’t exist. Stop reading this. Don’t you hate it when you’re the last one to get the internet meme that you don’t exist anymore?

I wish I knew more about our death and how we lived. I wish I could read about how history will put us down. Will we be the George Bush and John McCains of the pop culture world? We like to make up cool buzzwords about technology too (interweb and the google are still hot 2 years later). Or will we be written down as the pioneers of trendy clothing along with Abe Lincoln? Top hats got all the women in the 1850′s. I’m going to have to buy this book and cherish it. Im going to remember when MGMT was cool and then not cool. Im going to remember when getting sweaty on the dance floor was the norm for the abnorm. The only question is, what will happen now? Until I read What was the Hipster, Ill never know.

Twenty10 is the year we died. Twenty11 is the year we come back as Hipster Jew Zombies. It’s the only thing that makes sense. The hipster subculture has been around for over the past 50 years. Its only changed forms in that time. Although, I thought I read that Chillwave was being blasted at every 1960′s high school prom, but that might have been an outright lie I just made up. Being that the media is as ignorant as they are, I think this is the big one! We’re dead. I can feel it. I haven’t given a damn about anything in awhile. I’m awake all night and sleep all day. I’ve got to be dead. So I’ve been preparing and I suggest you do too. Start saving up brains in your basement freezer for when you get the zombie munchies. You don’t want to start traveling out of your house for human flesh risking a shotgun to the face.