Fuck you Weezer. Fuck you.

When I heard that Weezer was going to play Pinkerton and Blue Album in a new cross-country tour, I was excited. I mean, Weezer was my childhood. Pinkerton and Blue Album made me who I am today. It’s the reason I still have thick rimmed glasses and can’t pick up a girl. But I had my suspicions that there was something else behind this. Something corporate and selfish. And I was right.

It turns out their new album, ironically called Hurley, isn’t about the ‘Lost’ character that nobody cares about anymore. In fact, it has absolutely nothing to do with their latest trash-filled musical vomit session.

As Brian Bell of Weezer explained in an interview:

“The inspiration, um, came from a surf company called Hurley, that was funding the record at the beginning of the recording process, and… We actually did some sort of advertisement- I don’t even know how they’re tied in so much although- We got some clothes, and we did a photo shoot where we’re wearing these clothes, and I think we’re selling these clothes in malls. Uh, so how that’s tied in, I don’t know. And then I think it’s this whole like… tying in different medias and then using Hurley, the character from Lost, which I’ve never seen in my life, as our, you know, mascot, almost…”

Really, Weezer? Is that how far you have sunk in the name of money? Now I have every reason to believe you are willing to go on tour and play actual GOOD music just to make money off me. Not to respect me for my feelings or my sophisticated/nuanced music taste. But never again will you see a dime out of me.

I understand that bands want to make money. I understand that there is nothing wrong with signing to a major label and going ‘corporate’. But there is something wrong with duping fans, and treating them like they are ignorant money bags.

Pinkerton was probably the last CD I actually paid money for. And as long as I can help it, you and shitty Epitaph (really? a punk record label? WTF?) can go suck a big one. From this point on, Rivers Cuomo is dead to me. What?…who is Rivers Cuomo again? Oh yeah, some douche who ruined my childhood. THANKS.

I would not leave my drink at a bar with him. I’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice, my wife and children stolen and without a half-functioning kidney.