Or, why hipsters are superior to Guidos.
So by this point in 2010 I can safely claim that everyone knows what a hipster is. The exact definition is a composite of many things, so it can be pretty hit or miss. Generally, though, you know a hipster when you see one.
In contrast, and almost by design, the “Guido” is not so ambiguous. They are very easy to spot, and even easier to ridicule. While a person listening to NPR could be either hipster or east coast liberal, an orange person downing Jagerbombs is almost certainly a guido.
“But HipsterJew!” you may tell us, “Obviously you’re going to say hipsters are superior. I mean, you have the word in your name. You have a pro hipster bias.” This is not true, dear readers. Here I’ll pull out a fancy array of bullet points to show you why!
- The article title has “Fair And Balanced” right in it, therefore this is Fair And Balanced with no bias whatsoever
- I didn’t say anything about spin. We gots a whole lotta da spinning going on
- Hipsters are less visible than guidos in culture, so of course they’re less annoying
- If they are less annoying, then they are better
Seriously. Guidos are everywhere! They have their own TV monument to their preferred lifestyle, Jersey Shore. They have a TV show dedicated to their preferred life partners, Real Housewives of New Jersey. That one chick Snooki is going to get hew own show. And I saw a commercial last night for Dancing with the Stars. Mike “The Situation” is going to be on it (Twenty bucks says he knocks up Bristol Palin). They’re taking over the airwaves.
Hipsters shun TV as a matter of course, meaning that as long as you don’t live in Williamsburg or Wicker Park, all contact with hipsters is voluntary. People complaining about their recent interactions with insufferable trendy people are in danger of becoming part of that culture.
This summer, on my vacation, I was actually hard at work for HipsterJew. I took a very dangerous undercover assignment to learn more about the guidos and their social structure. To do this, I went into the belly of the beast, New Jersey. I uncovered a lot of interesting facts, but being the dedicated journalist that I am (not), I had to go into the colon of the beast: the Jersey Shore itself. It was almost unbearable.
Luckily my next assignment was to go to the Village in NYC to commune with hipsters. I had to bathe in PBR and use Parliaments as deodorant just to get the Guido stench off. As a final note to this article I present a documentary film I made during my time on the Shore (or something I found on Youtube. Either one).
