It’s the most Jewish time of the yearrrrr!

Back in the day I knew it was Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year, n00b) because honey sticks would appear mysteriously in my house. Serrrrriously. Honey sticks are amazing, don’t ever knock them.

Rosh Hashanah is the time of year where Rabbis ask for money. Usually they do this so that they can continue to pass judgment on their congregants. Kinda how the Jew-game is played — it can be taxing for us, always guilting ourselves. So we outsource the guilting.

But these people? I guess in Port Washington, Jew York, Rosh Hashanah isn’t taken seriously. They can’t drink enough Manischewitz in the world to make this video acceptable. I know, I know, middle-aged Jewish people singing their own version lady gaga in off-key falsetto is supposed to be ironic. And therefore it’s supposed to be funny.

But it isn’t.

In 30 years from now I will point to this video and say to my children: “This is the video that our forefathers filmed. So it was bequothed from Abraham to Issaic, and Issaic to Jacob. This is the video that was built in the house of Yahweh, in the Jewish year 5771. And this is the video that destroyed irony for time and memorial.”

God damnit, someone better sedate me with a honey stick before I get angry.