Republican gubernatorial candidate Dan Maes is warning voters that Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper’s policies, particularly his efforts to boost bike riding, are “converting Denver into a United Nations community.”
“Bike Sharing” has the word “share” in it. Although Dan Maes sees it as a communist, socialist, satanist issue, I see it quite differently. Bike sharing is for losers and Nazis. Yeah, I might lend my bike out to my roommate, but it’s still MY bike. I bought it. I customized it. I even put my own vanity license plate on the back. MY bike. By instituting these crazy liberal bike policies, everyone will be riding the same stupid ugly unisex bike.
Wait, I’m changing my opinion mid blog post.
If everyone else has the same bike, would that make mine even more unique? I might not have to buy a unicycle anymore (that is if I were to move to Denver). I might be able to ride around in 10 speed road bike and still be as cool as those asshole kids that live in the mountains and ride fixies. Oh man those kids are so cool. I am in full support of this bike initiative. I am in full support of Bike sharing. Now where is my welfare check?
