My, how the mighty have fallen. Jack Abramoff was our favorite conniving a-hole before Bernie Madoff had to blow him out of the water. Madoff is the Barry Bonds to Mark McGuire. And just like McGuire, Jack is now trying to adjust back into civil society.
Employment Before Jail
I’ve done him the favor of creating a step-by-step plan to bring himself to his former greatness.
Employment after
Step 1: Work at a Kosher pizza joint in Baltimore (B-More) called Tov Pizza (meaning ‘good’).
Step 2: By working at a legitimate establishment that has a positive name, use this to better oneself in eyes of God. And the public.
Step 3: Scam old Jewish customers out of $3.50. Why that exact amount? Don’t ask.
Step 4: Use scam earnings to buy expensive clothes.
Step 5: Look smart and attract/marry a nice, rich, Jewish girl.
Coincidence may point out that this list is the same list I carry with me in my back pocket. The same list that will make me a multi-millionaire trophy husband. Well I’m being generous and letting Jack use this one. Because this plan is fail-proof, and the man deserves a break for once.
