This either demonstrates just how hip I am, in that I’m too cool to pay attention to what the worthless plebs who make up much of our modern uncultured American society are sticking onto their iPods these days, or just how unhip I am, in that, despite hearing the name about a thousand times a day, I still have no clue who the hell Justin Bieber is.
For a long time, I just assumed, like I always do when some musician I’ve never heard of is popular, that he was on American Idol. I knew he was like a little kid, or something. That much you can figure out. Besides, just the name “Justin” conjures up the image of prepubescence. The Wikipedia link of for the name “Justin” turns up zero elder statesmen or captains of industry, except for the Roman emperors. But other than those guys, the name Justin hasn’t been able to grow facial hair for over a thousand years. In the back of my head, I was imagining a singing baby.
I was proven right when this appeared on the first page of a Google Image search for "singing baby." Also, Ludacris: You're a disgrace.
I would’ve been fine in my Bieber-less bubble, until this article on a new CBS sitcom starring William Shatner (a.k.a. Captain Kirk). In it, Ricky Van Veen, the guy who started CollegeHumor.com, says this:
“If you look at what’s successfully made the transition from online to mainstream — Aziz Ansari, Justin Bieber, the Lonely Island guys to ‘Saturday Night Live’ — it just comes down to talent, like it always has.”
So, now I’m thinking Bieber is a comedian, or related to comedy in some way, seeing as he’s reference in between the guy from Human Giant and the Lonely Island, by the guy who founded CollegeHumor. Plus, apparently he was the subject of FunnyOrDie.com’s April Fools’ Day joke.
A clown, perhaps? Also, I am so mad I had to make this image myself. You let me down, Internet. You let me down in a big way.
So, off to Wikipedia it was, the repository of all human knowledge. If Bieber’s at all important, he’ll have a Wikipedia page. If he’s not, he won’t. Simple as that. He did.
I didn’t read it in full, because the thing was about as long as my arm, although, to be fair, it’s not as long as R2-D2′s wikipedia page, so I guess, if popularity is judged by length of Wikipedia page Justin’s not quite as popular as a supporting character from Star Wars.
In my exciting Bieber-filled day, here’s what I managed to learn while trying to avoid learning anything:
YouTube star. Canadian. Not, as I thought from the last name, Jewish. He’s signed to Island Records, as in, the Island Records that signed Bob Marley. Also, he looks kinda like a dick.
It's not just the backward hat. It's also that he's doing that sideways-peace sign in pretty much every picture taken of him.
I never did listen to his music. You know how sometimes you look at a book’s cover and you say “there’s no way I would ever read a book written by someone whose book was published with this cover on it”? Well, that’s how I feel about Justin Bieber.
AJ Sochacewski
10/27/2010
You can not tell if someone’s Jewish by his/her last name. I recall several years ago when an acquaintance of mine told me that she’s involved in a Civil Suit. She confided in me that since the other Party’s name was ‘Adolf’ she thought she had a good chance of winning (in my town most Judges are Jewish). I must have looked at her funny because she went on to explain ‘you know…Adolf….like Hitler’. Then I explained to her that many Jews from that generation had the name ‘Adolf’. It’s a German-Prussian name! Similarly many high ranking Nazis had surnames such as ‘Rosenberg’ a name which (in America at least) is a giveaway Jewish name. And add to that all the name changes (by the family or the government at Ellis Island, and I tell you Shawn Ferguson is a nice Jewish boy.
Sally
01/30/2012
Hi, I have just started to retrace my roots to Poland. We are Jewish. My mother’s grandparents have your surname. Just thought I would take a shot in the dark and ask you if you also have roots in Lodz or Sosnowiec in Poland in the 1940′s. I would love to hear back from you. I live in Melbourne Australia and aim to go to Poland once I have found out as much as I can on the internet about my Mother’s side of the family who were Wegman’s but her grandparents were sochacewski. My skype name is sallyg7 or email is sallygl@optusnet.com.au