NPR, internationally known for their monotone-filled diatribes, has finally discovered something news worthy. In case you live in a cave (or Williamsburg), you may not have heard of this thing called the United States Census. It takes all of two minutes to fill out. And it lets the government know how many illegals are living in your apartment will give your neighborhood lots of socialist government money.
It’s a pretty good deal. In fact, I filled mine out. Me and my roommate cracked open a bottle of cabernet savignon, lit some candles, and got this form completed. It was one helluva Monday night.
About 66% of Americans have so far filled in their forms. But in New York City, the number is only about 50%. The men at NPR found this to be pedantically mind-blowing. “Only 50% of New Yorkers filled it out? Oh noes!?!?” Now of course Jew York is full of illegal immigrants. So this number is actually pretty high, since they rightfully are skeptic of the government.
However, the piece goes on to mention that in Hipsterland, aka Williamsburg, only 30% have filled out their census forms. For shame Hipsters, for shame. I know that the government was never ‘cool’, that conforming to the ‘man’ is what jocks and Wall Street bankers do. But conform just once in your life. So says the TV commercials.
But not only do hipsters live in Williamsburg – we cannot forget the other side of this coin, the Hassidic Jews. They too have not been filling out their forms. It doesn’t help that they don’t watch tv, and literally live under a cultural rock. We should probably just be grateful they remember they live in America, not 1890s shtetl Poland.
One of the three Jewish Hipsters happens to be currently residing in Williamsburg. He refused to respond to my constant questioning about his own census.
If you happen to suffer from insomnia, you can listen to it here.
NPR Hipster Census Form by hipsterjew
For now on, I will refer to Williamsburg as ‘the home of eendie bands and ironic mustaches, wacky bikes and skinny jeans‘. Thank you for that little nugget, NPR.
