Old Jews Go Gaga

Whats the deal with old jews loving Lady Gaga? My mother… Larry King… That rabbi… It’s kind of sick. I’m grossed out. I know all we do it blog about old jewish ppl, but this draws the line. I feel like Im a smut peddler with all the bad videos we’ve been showing recently. I swear after the holidays we won’t have two of these videos in the same day.

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Bill Murray: an Original Hipster

GQ recently interviewed Bill Murray, for like the third time in his entire career. And you know what I learned? Bill Murray is the biggest, suavest, OH (original hipstah’) you will never meet.*

What makes Bill Murray so hip, at such an old age?

It probably begins with his ‘fuck everyone’ attitude he seems to keep at all times. Or it may do with the fact he loves Williamsburg, even though most celebrities live in LA/Hollywood. And the urban legend that he shows up at random Williamsburg parties. Or maybe this stunt he pulled at SXSW earlier this year:

He loves Indie film producers (like Wes Anderson). And he has a secret 800 number to call him and send him movie ideas. He has no agent, only himself and his super secret sexy hotline.

Either way, the man will continue to be adored by hipsters everywhere. Even if he doesn’t have plans to be Peter Venkman in a Ghostbusters 3.


*
Although supposedly another urban legend, this will happen: You will meet him in a brief encounter, alone on a Williamsburg street. He will come from behind, saying “guess who!” while simultaneously covering your eyes. You will turn around, and be shocked to see actor slash comedian Bill Murray, not your non-boyfriend boyfriend Eric. With a gleam in his eye he will utter “No one will ever believe you” and disappear into the sketchily hip Williamsburg night, never to be seen by you again.

His response to this accusation in an interview will be the following:
[long pause] I know. I know, I know, I know. I’ve heard about that from a lot of people. A lot of people. I don’t know what to say. There’s probably a really appropriate thing to say. Something exactly and just perfectly right. [long beat, and then he breaks into a huge grin] But by God, it sounds crazy, doesn’t it? Just so crazy and unlikely and unusual?

That lovable jokester bastard. Make a Rushmore 2 plz. Thanks,
-Your Biggest Fan, Random Hipster #175297

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After this video I refuse to celebrate Rosh Hashanah

Wow. I think the terrorists just won. Either that or I found the next best torture device in Gitmo. Your welcome, terrorist-coddlers. If you can make it all the way through this video, you either must be blind and deaf or you enjoy listening to crap like Nickelback. You know what? That’s not even being fair to Nickelback. This is the worst parody ever created.

Why is it that most Jews think these 5 things make up any good video?

1) Musical parody
2) Very Jewish-themed lyrics that were written while high/drinking wine on a Friday night with the bros
3) A’Capella
4) Beat boxing
5) Parodying a song that no one cares about

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Fuck you Weezer. Fuck you.

When I heard that Weezer was going to play Pinkerton and Blue Album in a new cross-country tour, I was excited. I mean, Weezer was my childhood. Pinkerton and Blue Album made me who I am today. It’s the reason I still have thick rimmed glasses and can’t pick up a girl. But I had my suspicions that there was something else behind this. Something corporate and selfish. And I was right.

It turns out their new album, ironically called Hurley, isn’t about the ‘Lost’ character that nobody cares about anymore. In fact, it has absolutely nothing to do with their latest trash-filled musical vomit session.

As Brian Bell of Weezer explained in an interview:

“The inspiration, um, came from a surf company called Hurley, that was funding the record at the beginning of the recording process, and… We actually did some sort of advertisement- I don’t even know how they’re tied in so much although- We got some clothes, and we did a photo shoot where we’re wearing these clothes, and I think we’re selling these clothes in malls. Uh, so how that’s tied in, I don’t know. And then I think it’s this whole like… tying in different medias and then using Hurley, the character from Lost, which I’ve never seen in my life, as our, you know, mascot, almost…”

Really, Weezer? Is that how far you have sunk in the name of money? Now I have every reason to believe you are willing to go on tour and play actual GOOD music just to make money off me. Not to respect me for my feelings or my sophisticated/nuanced music taste. But never again will you see a dime out of me.

I understand that bands want to make money. I understand that there is nothing wrong with signing to a major label and going ‘corporate’. But there is something wrong with duping fans, and treating them like they are ignorant money bags.

Pinkerton was probably the last CD I actually paid money for. And as long as I can help it, you and shitty Epitaph (really? a punk record label? WTF?) can go suck a big one. From this point on, Rivers Cuomo is dead to me. What?…who is Rivers Cuomo again? Oh yeah, some douche who ruined my childhood. THANKS.

I would not leave my drink at a bar with him. I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice, my wife and children stolen and without a half-functioning kidney.

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Is yooze watah koshah?

For past few years there has been an argument in NY. Is the water kosher? Well. Is it?

Small little animals, possibly dinosaurs, live in New York water. If you hold it up to the light, and then hold it up to a microscope, you might be able to see little Diacyclops thomasi, along with some Mesocyclops edax and Skistodiaptomus pygmaeus. I dont give a fuck if they are crustaceans or give you magic powers. I dont think I could ever put Mesocyclops edax in my stomach. Have you seen that shit? It’s gross. I think it looks something like this:

But for real. Whether you eat kosher or not, its always best to filter that shit. Practice safe water drinking. Wrap your wang before you bang.

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I see you ridin’ round town with the girl I know/ And I’m like fuck youuuu. Fuck youuuuu.

Hipsters, pop lovers, and old timers are all in for a mofo-ing treat this afternoon. This is the new music video from Cee-Lo-Green (the other half of Gnarls Barkley), called ‘Fuck You’.

I’m going to attempt to explain why this amazing video will cause my 60 year old Jewish mother to simultaneously say ‘oy vey, such terrible language!’ while dancing around the room.


1) Cee-Lo-Green has condensed decades of soul music, Motown, early R&B, and funk into simple, no-frills-bullshit nomenclature. Every love song in the history of mankind has beaten around the bush. But Cee-Lo does it so easily, and without being offensive. Instead of throwing in obscenities for shock value (like we do), Cee-Lo is just honestly reporting his feelings. And for that, I thank him with a hearty ‘fuck you’.

2) What person hasn’t had their heart broken? After listening to old mix Cds (or playlists for you young kids) for a 21-day bender, who hasn’t had these same feelings? Especially the line: Although there’s pain in my chest and I wish you best…..with a fuck you. Fuck. Fuck you. Hehehe.

2) The song is catchy, in a stripped down Gnarls Barkley/Black Eyed Peas type way. Cee-Lo has an angelic voice, and ain’t afraid to belt it to the heavens. Is he possibly the next Isaac Hayes? The male version of Amy Winehouse? (He did have her producer collaborate on some tracks for the new album.) Hopefully he is not another megalomaniac like Will-I-Am.

3) Did you see what Cee-Lo was wearing? The man is obviously some sort of college-type blipster (black hipster) like his friend DJ Dangermouse. His suit in the video is hip, complete with an oldschool pocket watch w/ chain included. His ‘College garb’, while definitely 1950s looking, was also outrageously 2010 Hipster. The flannel, the fake matching glasses, and the skinny tie to match? Somebody went on a shopping spree to Urban Outfitters!

Oh yeah, and he covered a Band of Horses song earlier this year. Total blipster.

i <3 Cee-lo. come play music on my all-white wealthy college campus. plzzz take our parent’s trust fund money!

Can’t wait for this new album…screw legitimate ‘indie’ acts. JK. Luv you Animal Collective.

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Neutral Uke Hotel

Awesome cover band Neutral Uke Hotel got the La Blogothèque treatment at NXNE in Toronto this summer.

Neutral Uke is a wrecking power-pop force fronted by Jew-fro Shawn Fogel (Golden Bloom, The Zambonis). Just look at his fro. A young, devilishly good looking Anthony Weiner can’t even compare to hair of such massive proportions.

For a limited time only, this fro includes the greatest cover band of the greatest hipster album of all time! Neutral Milk Hotel is a flawless, precious gem that should be kept at MoMa or the Lourve or whatever  garbage-dump people keep priceless shit at these days.

The Duckman was able to see Neutral Uke live in Philly recently. He used words like “phenomenal, spiritual, Uke-y, bulbous, and photo-phosphorescent”. Whatever that means!

Shawn Fogel, Michael Epstein, and Josh Cohen are “the shit”. Hands down.

Ed note: pretty sure Matt and Andrew are also the shit, but never got to meet them

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A Montreal university does a ‘study’ on ‘hipsters’

I swear, my people are persecuted enough. Yet they wont keep us out of the papers. This time, some low-level Concordia University associate-professor made some claims about hipsters. These claims are so obvious that he should be fired immediately.

The assoc-prof claims to have no political agenda, and was only out to ‘understand indie’ (Quebec) culture. But can one use Canadians (with their lack of respect for ironic mustaches, their love of Molsen over PBR, and their universally gay-tight pants, as a basis for understanding ME?

Yes. Yes they can.

“Individuals don’t easily drop practices that they’ve cultivated for years just to avoid being labeled. They’d rather find ways to show how they’re different from the people who might engage in these practices ‘for the wrong reasons’.

Their narratives depicted how they were able to continue consuming products . . . linked to hipster culture while distancing themselves from the caricature that was associated with them…These simplifying labels have gradually become essentializing and judgmental.”

If I can I would like to defend myself using logic.

1) I am a hipster because I buy into a certain fashion.

2) People become jealous of how hip and cool I am, so they call me a hipster.

3) This hurts my feelings, but instead of blogging about it for hours on end, I make sure to tell (in appearance or words) how I am SO different from everyone else.

4) That doesn’t work, so I make a blog called Hipsterjew. In the same way that other groups try to take back the word that hurts them the most, I take this name on as a badge of courage and honor.

5) I still have no friends and everyone thinks I am a talentless,  self-assured douchebag.

6) Sigh.

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Crazy man in subway plays the air drums

I don’t know if the dude is really homeless. I don’t know if he was actually drumming to the song. But I do know that he is a Hipster. The dirty clothes? The nerd Brian Posehn beard + glasses look? The ostentatiously hip one-man-band Menomena! playing in the background? The signs are all there. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s all a publicity stunt, but I’ll enjoy the raw footage.

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Bill O’Reilly was an alt-bro in the 70s

Although he has a sick fascination with Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber, he isn’t interested in them for irony’s sake. But it turns out Bill did write for notoriously alt/progressive The Boston Phoenix when it was first published in 1974.

This alt mag is as indie as it gets in New England. And Bill wrote an article on avantegarde porn-flics.

The man behind the acclaimed porn flic ‘Deep Throat’ came to BU to give a talk. And Bill was there to chat with him afterwords (probably at a seedy downtown 70s Boston diner).

But his conversation is full of duuurty durrty things like sex and cuss words. Who the hell does 1970s Bill O’Reilly think he is?

Which leads me to wonder: Did he also like 70s droopy porn staches? Did he once have a penchant for cocaine and disco? And if so, where did it all go? When did the blow stop being, and why did he sell himself out to be a pompous blowhard? Oh the questions….

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