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South African brewers Garagista Beer Co. has a new marketing campaign: all about bashing hipsters. Their beer is for normies, not hipster scum. And they have a poster or two (or five) to go with it. I mean, they get the specifics messed up a bit, because of course they did. I’m pretty sure normals have a better chance of using the Ramones t shirt for fashion than a hipster would, seeing as the Ramones are mainstream as fuck and I’m pretty sure hipsters are only allowed to listen to post punk (it’s in the contract you sign when you become a become hipster, right after the clause about only drinking the most terrible booze), not first wave.

Or how about that the company is named Garagista? You know, like the word garage, where someone would homebrew for their first time… How would someone let other people know about it? “My favorite beer is Garagista… my friend brews it in his garage with a couple of other guys…you probably haven’t heard of it before?” Sounds pretty fucking hip to me, Garagista.

Now you’ve set up shop in an actual brewery, making a few different drinks. Little did you know you’ve opened the door to the hipster floodgates: someone takes a sip of a new brew and says “You know, their first one was better.” And you’d best believe it will happen; hipsters love irony, and surely some local trust funders will buy their beer simply because it would be so funny if hipsters drink the beer that hates hipsters. It’s coming, Garagista. You’ll have to grit your teeth and pretend to like it when every keg tap party you throw is attended by hipsters and the men are wearing tighter and shorter shorts than the women. Good luck, have fun.

I’ll pass though, an attention getting gimmick like this is pretty transparent, and I don’t think you will get “normcore” enough to be sold here in the States. Besides, even if you did, I’m not sure how appealing to not-hipsters is going to get them to switch from MillerBudCoors Lites.

Noad Lahat, Israeli-American UFC fighter, won a bout yesterday and is returning to Israel to rejoin the IDF. Hey, even the great Red Sox Ted Williams went overseas during WWII. Sounds like my perfect weekend.

//Failed Messiah

What’s going on today in the life of Hipsters? Oh, just the usual. Someone making another listicle about hipsters.

What’s this listicle about? It’s about how your kid is turning into a hipster! LOL! Kids wearing sunglasses and watching obscure 90s cartoons.
Maybe your kid acts like a Hipster because you’ve made them into your own hipster-devil spawn? Maybe they watch VHS of Inspector Gadget because you’re a nostalgic monster who won’t let them enjoy Yo Gabba Gabba or Adventure Time?

Kids aren’t Hipsters. You’re a Hipster. Let your kid live and love whatever stupid Disney prince or princess they want.

Just remember, kids hate what their parents love when the kids are all grown up. So do them a favor and ironically love everything they love. I promise, it’ll pay off in the end.

Ben Stein just wanted to sext with a lady. In a classy way.

ben_stein_sext

Don’t worry though, ol’ Ben has a very reasonable argument.

“I didn’t expect anything from her. Hugging and kissing doesn’t mean I wanted to f–k her. I said that explicitly in my text,” Stein said. “When is it wrong to hug people?”

When is it wrong to hug people, huh? Never. It’s never wrong to hug people. See? Ben Stein is a good guy.

//gawker

We’ve heard about attacks on women in Israel due to their dress, which normally just includes a woman wearing shorts or a t-shirt and being verbally harassed or having things thrown at her. So needless to say, recent promotions of “modesty” in Crown Heights, a neighborhood close to my own, start to scare me.

Though modesty has always been a focus of the Ultra-Orthodox, as well as Orthodox and Conservative movements to a lesser degree, this “value” has started to move from modesty of women in the community towards non-Hasidim who come into contact, or more correctly, the line of vision, of Hasidim. Earlier this week, an article surfaced telling of “modesty prizes” given to girls of a Lubavitcher camp who covered their necklines, elbows, and knees. If they came to camp in modest attire for a week they would receive a gift certificate for free ice cream. Though this modesty campaign was primarily focused on covering up the **obvious sexual characteristics** of LITTLE GIRLS AT CAMP DURING A HOT SUMMER, the campaign also managed to combine the struggles of the totally blameless Jews in Israel with skirt length by telling these young girls that by covering up they would strengthen the Jewish nation. Because those Palestinian women sure are slutty, amirite? Though this campaign is a upsetting to many outside the Hasidic community, the translation of this modesty campaign from members of the community to outsiders is a bit more terrifying.

Courtesy of Alexa Antopol

Courtesy of Alexa Antopol

Recently in Crown Heights, Hasidim have been putting up signs which ask people in Crown Heights to pop a sweater over their slutty bits and continue to enjoy the neighborhood. More specifically, the signs state “Love and Respect. Dear Resident, Guest, Visitor, PLEASE DRESS MODESTLY. THIS IS A JEWISH NEIGHBORHOOD.” There are obviously some disagreements I have with these sign-makers, and not all stem from my liberal Reform-Jew upbringing. The first one comes from the fact that there are no real “guests” to the neighborhood, because the streets and sidewalks are all public property. I would never enter a Hasidic home or synagogue in shorts and a tank top, but I have every right to dress in seasonal clothing on public property. My second disagreement comes from the statement that Crown Heights is a Jewish neighborhood. Crown Heights is known for its large African-American population, as well as people from all different ethnicities and religions. With the prices of housing in New York, I know many art school buddies who are moving to the area. So Crown Heights may have a large Hasidic population, but it is certainly no longer a strictly “Jewish neighborhood”. (Furthermore, I have complaints that the Hasidic population has adopted the term Jewish to refer exclusively to them, but I can save that for another article.)

Despite the fact that these signs infuriated me, there are two positive things to think about if you see a sign. The first one is: “What will they do if I don’t wear modest clothes?” And the second one is: “I don’t have to even read that!” I’ve seen that first question answered personally to me once when I lived in South Williamsburg. I was walking down the street wearing shorts and a t-shirt because it was summer and I watched a father cover his son’s eyes while I walked past. I had never once felt uncomfortable with my own body, but this father’s action, which probably resulted in more attention brought to me than actually necessary, made me frightened to live in a community where I could not be treated as a fellow human being. I’m curious to see how long these signs stay up and what the response will be from the non-Hasidim in the neighborhood, but until then, keep dressing like you normally do ya sluts!

Original stories can be found here and here

Israeli Women IDF

Israeli women (and maybe some Americans) are taking to facebook and posting photos of themselves half or mostly naked in support of the IDF. While the U.S. sends money and weapons to Israel, Israeli women are sending photos of their naked bodies.

I… Just… yeah… Okay…

//Mediaite

As this video shows, it’s impossible to please people on this subject. There is a reason why we don’t talk much about the Israel-Palestinian conflict. No matter what we say, most people will yell at us for either not caring about dead children, or supporting a terrorist group, or not mentioning something that’s hardly important. The entire war is a PR battle and we really don’t feel like pushing either side’s press release.

If you really want our opinion, it’s this: Cut the shit everyone.

Have you ever been up on stage performing, but had to take a wicked piss. So wicked that you just have to do it mid song? Action Bronson did. Or at least pretended to. During his set at Ottawa Bluesfest, Action Bronson walked down to the port-o-potty whipped out his mic and continued with his song “Shiraz”. I wish more performers would be so open about their their urine various bowel movements.

// Death and Taxes

It only took a few weeks, but Dov Charney is back with American Apparel. After a video surfaced of Dov walking in the nude around employees, American Apparel decided to ax Dov from his own company. After years of sticking up for Dov’s alleged pervy / abusive behavior, the board of directors had enough. At least enough to give Dov a short vacation from the company, only to hire him back as a creative consultant. Welcome back Dov!

And now for no reason at all, here is a video of Dov Charney (Rich Fulcher) and Terry Richardson (Moshe Kasher) looking for America’s Next Sick Fuck.

Weird Al’s new, and possibly final album, Mandatory Fun, is set to be released TOMORROW! To celebrate, he will be releasing a new video every day this week. The first one to come out is Tacky, a star filled spoof on Pharrell’s Happy. Although Weird Al has stated that this is his last album, I am sure this isn’t the last we will see of him. I think he understand how important he is in making 14 year old boys and myself smile and laugh.