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Dope
Sick Location
Cheap
Steal
Cozy
No Guests
Broker Fee
Agency
For Real
No OVERNIGHT Guests
Rad
*blurry photos* (it’s 2014… why does it look like every picture was taken with a razor phone?)
Females only

Watching these grandmas smoke weed for the first time makes me wonder… Have any of you ever smoked weed with your Bubbe? Was it secretly in the bathroom at shul no one ever goes in? Or did you watch her pass around a bowl at the old age home? I would love to hear stories if you have any!

Let’s take a moment out of our day to discuss current queen of all things ass, Nicki Minaj (Miley Cyrus get the fuck out). She catapulted into the center of pop culture after a guest verse on biggest hipster in the world Kanye’s “Monster,” and has been there more or less ever since, reminding us that she has a big butt by talking about it non-stop. And by shaking it a whole lot in every music video she does. Sometimes she raps in weird voices, but mostly she just shakes her ass and talks about the pros and cons of having lots of booty.

This really wouldn’t be of any concern to us at Hipster Jew normally. We’re content to stay in our corner, which is talking about hipster garbage, and ridiculing anyone caught making a Hitler reference or people that get outed wearing SS uniforms for Halloween. So we really don’t care about Nicki Min–

 

Oh! Oh. Okay. I guess we’re going there.

So here we have a music video director taking a song about sex, and transforming it into some odd amalgamation of hip hop meets “Triumph of the Will.” I assume he had free reign to make the video however he wanted, after all, only artists are so obsessed with form and style that they would take a film like “Triumph” and admire it, get inspired by it, and then slavishly imitate it, while wholly disregarding the context. it’s something a film student would do after smoking a shitload of weed and then deciding to model his final project after a Reifenstahl piece.

But the degree of replacement imagery that’s in the video leads me to think that the director did this with full knowledge of the context. The whole thing: Nicki’s bent over ass pose replacing the Nazi eagle, Chris Brown as the surrogate Mussolini right hand man, the Young Money logo redesigned to take the place of the swastika, all calculated for clicks and pageviews. The whole thing is asking for a Twitter shitstorm, and since the director is retweeting but not talking to or engaging the people talking about it, it’s going to get one. And now even a small blog like HipsterJew is talking about it. Mission Accomplished.

Here’s the only part I don’t get though: Why is Drake the Pope? It feels tacked on. You couldn’t make him Goering or someone? Just… it doesn’t fit. I like my Third Reich tributes to be professional, you know? Shoehorning the Pope in to make some sort of tangential point reeks of amateurism.

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Let’s be real. Your kid owns a lot of stupid, shitty toys. These toys are sold to you (and them) by terrible companies that have zero qualms about advertising to children on their favorite TV shows. Advertising to kids is the worse thing you can do, unless you are a Hipster and have super good taste in everything. Otherwise you’re kid is gonna want to listen to One Direction and barf out with the latest Disney Princess collection.

Buy your child this hipster clothes paper doll set. It’s cheap, it’s JPEG, and you can always edit it how you see fit. It’s cheaper than the trash you’re buying them now, and it harkens back to the days when you’re parents didn’t love you and only bought you the cheapest of cheap toys.

Atleast there’s no small plastic pieces for the dog to choke on/poop out?
//graphicriver

We’ve all been there. Walking down the street, or on your college campus. A Chabad Rabbi is smiling way too charistmatically in front of his ‘Sukkah Mobile’ as he asks if you’re Jewish. You do it, because you have guilt, because you are Jewish. (History should teach us to lie when anyone asks us if we are Jewish.) You make a public spectacle of yourself, you try to move on, and forget that being Jewish can be so embarrassing when it’s thrust upon you like a mountainous burden. It’s tough being Jewish on the strees of NYC.

What I’m trying to say is that this video is perfect. I’m not sure how I feel about it taking away from the original video about women being catcalled, but even as a video on it’s own it is pretty fucking funny.

//Huffpo

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This may be the final death blow to all music everywhere. One day in the future we will say “Music, what was that? You mean the noises the iRobot Corporation makes for us so that we can pretend we live on Earth and not in our space colony?” That music.

Sure, not all of it was great. There was Nickelback. Some of it was secretly sonically delicious, like T-Swift. But atleast it was OUR music. Atleast there was heart and soul. Now, there’s only Sour Patch Kids. In a house. Tricking all of NYC into selling out.

Bands and touring musicians looking for sweet relief from their touring schedules may soon start dreaming about Sour Patch Kids.

A couple weeks ago, the Mondelez-owned candy brand opened up a house in Brooklyn where touring bands can recover from the rigors of the road. It’s called the Brooklyn Patch, and according to Mondelez marketing director Farrah Bezner, the Patch represents a long-term investment in indie music culture.

At what cost? Do you have to burn all your Pixies albums? Do you have to pledge allegiance to Generic Indie Band of the Month? Nothing in life is free, especially with shitty corporations funded by the terrible dentists. Tell me, Sour Patch ‘Kids’, WHAT ARE YOU GETTING IN RETURN?!?! Blow jobs?

Nevertheless, there is a quid pro quo associated with staying at the Patch. Artists who stay at the house are expected to create some content that Sour Patch Kids can share across a number of digital channels, which include a Brooklyn Patch-branded Tumblr as well as the brand’s Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts. Ms. Bezner said it is also exploring the possibility of adding further amplification partners.

Blow jobs.

“We’re a tastemaking agency,” said Alex Kirshbaum, Jesse Kirshbaum’s brother and a partner at NUE Agency. “They trust us.”

Look. Being a musician sucks. The pay is miniscule, if at all, and there’s a ton of hours on the road. But that’s why you have friends, or you meet other bands and crash at each other’s apartments. Don’t sleep at Sour Patch Manor. And definitely don’t trust people who call themselves a ‘tastemaking agency’. Those buzzwords have no place for people who are looking to create expressive, personal art.

 

//Adage

20 years later…

The Duckman —  10/30/2014 —  Comments

The Hipster Jew brother don’t get together often enough. But when we do, something mildly interesting usually happens. Like us sitting on the same dog we sat on 20 years ago. (That dog has seen a lot of ass)

So here we are in about 1994 and 2014

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I have to be honest. I know a lot of my friends say they are harassed on the street. Once a week I see a friend post something on facebook or twitter about that day’s special harasser. But I didn’t know it was this bad. I didn’t know some people get harassed this much. But I believe it.

The most recent street harassment I remember seeing was someone in my neighborhood yelling “c’mon baby smile” to a woman that was walking in front of me. I was kind of shocked. I didn’t say anything. I wanted to see what the woman’s reaction would be to this asshole (nothing). But afterwards I wanted to yell at this guy. Why must someone smile for you? Are women objects for your entertainment? Shove a spiky dildo up your ass.

Im glad the woman never answered. Im glad the woman in this video never answered. Giving them any type of response would satisfy their harassment.

What’s wrong with the boys of today? This shit is stupid and needs to stop.

//Hollaback

Afroman is back to tell you why he is now getting high! No longer because he missed work, or because he has a messy room, or child support to pay. But because anxiety and glaucoma are a bitch. Also booze and ciggs are so much worse than some THC. Seriously. Look how happy Afroman is riding around on a couch. His eyes can’t even open. Dude is living life.

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Of course, like anything good in this world, this is just an advertisement. Afroman is trying to get you to use a weed map and support a group that is trying to get weed legalized. But you know what, we totally agree with form of selling out!

If you don’t remember listening to the original song, I’ll assume it’s because you were too high between 2001 and today. You can listen to a censored version on youtube.

//Rolling Stone

The greatest Shabbat experience I’ve possibly ever had is back with their 7th event. Pop-Up Shabbat will be celebrating 90’s hip hop with the theme “Jew-Tang Forever.” Buy your tickets for this weekends event and get on their mailing list for future events!

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Back in June, The Duckman and Double Sunday were invited to attend Pop-Up Shabbat’s 6th event, so we gladly accepted the invitation to experience Shabbat like this.

The night’s theme, Tikkun Olam (helping to perfect the world), reminds us to ask, “How we can help better the world?” Pop-Up Shabbat’s response is to provide access to organic and local foods to the community. They urged us that eating locally grown foods prepares us for a better tomorrow because we allow more room for self-sufficiency.

We met at the Ikea water taxi across the East River into Red Hook, Brooklyn. Oh lala, a perfect recipe for romance. We took a quick stroll to the converted warehouse at Pier 41. Three large decorated tables topped with framed prayer cards wooed us inside.

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Friendly greetings were accompanied by apricot crostinis. We were invited to immediately begin our boozy adventure with masterly crafted cocktails. Spoiler alert: I became a gin-soaked mound of food by evening’s end.

Buzzing with excitement, people started filling in the open dining room. A two-piece jazz duo helped fill any potential awkward air between strangers meeting for an intimate homestyle dinner. We picked our own seats, and I hoped for fun dining neighbors that won’t mind my raging social anxiety. Speaking of social anxiety, the perfect elixir, wine, was freely being passed around like candy.

Our gracious hostess led the evening with a brief talk about this month’s dinner Oyganic theme. Beautiful, beautiful challah made its round (round, get it? cuz it’s round?). Pesto gruyère stuffed and traditional challah served with a strawberry rhubarb butter spread. C’mon. We quickly learned that this dinner ain’t childs play. Our chef, Sarah Schiear, is about to school us.

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Then, spring pea gazpacho made with garlic scales, cucumber and mint. The presentation was stunning. These crisp and concentrated earthy colors played right into the farm-to-table theme.

Without delay, our entrees commanded their way onto our tables. Move on soup and make way for roasted carrot quinoa with smoked almond pesto. If that wasn’t enough, there was a second entree for meat-eaters: lamb shoulder roast with ramp salsa verde. Don’t think I forgot about you roasted asparagus and butter potatoes. If this dinner was a person, I would ask it for a second date. I was in love with every bite.

I wanted to eat everything the chef and her team prepared, but my breathing was becoming labored. I needed to walk and talk and get even boozier. When I come back from my rendezvous, but who did I see waiting for me on the table? Olive oil cake with rosé-soaked strawberries and lavender cream. I don’t know how to quit you dessert.

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So relaxed, so full, and so boozy–I forgot that I wasn’t at home, and I cannot go lie down to “work this off”. We said our goodbyes to everyone, exchanged contact information, and gave to the tzedakah box.

Jews know tradition. The tradition of Shabbat dinner was artistically and tastefully honored at Pop-Up Shabbat by sticking to a never fail formula: good food and good people.

photos by Adam Thompson