Well, I think the entire life of Between Two Ferns has come down to this moment: The President of the United States. We have some great jokes about birth certificates and some terrible jokes about healthcare. It’s just great (unlike Hangover 3).
Purim is coming around again. It comes around every year. Kids get candy and dress up. Adults get bored.
First, you have to read the Megillah. What’s more fun than sitting for 90 minutes, listening as you try to find the one word you know in the entire Hebrew language (which is like the Jewish people’s Latin; only spoken by Classics assholes and
doctors Rabbis. Probably should have gotten high less before Hebrew School. The word is Haman. Listen closely, as if you are an American in a foreign country, trying to understand directions in Swahili to the nearest airport.
The fun only begins there! There’s noise, and not even barroom or bass-heavy party noise. Ear-splitting noise. Yelling and groggers (which were made for the annoyance that only a group of per-adolescent old boys can muster). Yeah, I know I sound like an old man – which is fortunate, because old men love to partake in the Purim megillah reading. You can sit there and bitch together with them! Hence the learning from one generation to another will continue.
See, everything has its purpose.
The megillah ends, and maybe you take a shot or two with a bunch of lawyers, doctors, and professors you’ve known since you were a child. It’s weird, but alteast in a couple years when you graduate law school you can use this exact moment as a reference. “Hey, remember that time when we took shots of peach schnopps at the Purim party? Yeah. I’d like a job now.”
Maybe then you drunkenly wander through the Purim carnival, waiting for 10pm when this whole thing ends and you can go to a bar and get drunk around other sad people, because it’s a weekday and you’re still living in your hometown even though everyone else has moved on.
So really, Purim? Do we have to do this again? Can’t we just take a year off and celebrate Halloween instead?
Two of our favorite girls, Ilana and Abbi, have the thumbs up to make a second season of Broad City according to AV Club. I shouldn’t have to tell you that Broad City is one of the best shows on TV, never mind Comedy Central. I couldn’t be more excited to hear that we will be #blessed with more episodes. Congrats BBs!
I’m not fat, I’m big boned.
Set your DVR’s. Lena Dunham will be hosting Saturday Night Live with musical guest The National on March 8th. Oddly enough, it will also be The National’s first time on SNL too. I think this deserves a hipster jew shehecheyanu blessing.
Mila Kunis is the new face of Jim Beam. What does that mean? Well it all depends on your feelings for Jim Beam. For me, it will always be part of the Philly special. $3 for a shot of Jim Beam and a PBR. Each one’s bad taste counteracts each other and becomes something tolerable. Soon enough you’re drunk, crying on the floor of the bathroom, wondering why no one liked your creative ideas in class.
It’s like that dark era of my life now has Mila Kunis as a spokesperson… Cool…
Haim is back with a new video for If I Could Change Your Mind. And it’s great. Which is perfect since they’ve been hyping IICCYM on facebook since the beginning of time. Or last week. Whichever. Just get ready for this dance-a-licious music video to be turned into 1000 gifs.
There is a new Seinfeld parody that you never asked for called Mario Seinfeld and it’s exactly what you would expect it to be… Perfect. Considering most Mario plots are about nothing, it’s really simple to add in the Seinfeld element to it. I mean, do we really know why the Princess is kidnapped by Bowser so often? Did the dialog in Paper Mario actually have anything to add to the story line? No. It’s all garbage and fluff. This minute and a half could have easily been the opening to Mario 64, and I would have understood why I was trying to collect 120 stars in paintings.
The characters also fit pretty well.
Mario as Jerry
Luigi as Kramer
Toad as George
Peach as Elaine
Bowser as Newman
I would like to see more episodes of this show. Because we all know its better than that cartoon crap they put out in the 90′s.
Legos are fun again! Did you see the Lego movie? Of course you did. It was so much fun! Don’t you wish that Jewish rituals were also fun?
The Jewish Museum is selling a Yoda Lego Mezuzah. It’s for the adult who needs to give their ‘Jewish’ a little fun. It’s for the child who is good, who asks all the right questions and is a mensch. For the millennial who will only celebrate their Judaism with a touch of irony.
Are you naughtier? Need a religious Lego Star Wars item to show off your chutzpah?JewDad is selling a Darth Vader Mezuzah. It’s for the kid who gave up being Jewish and gets high on high holidays, but who fucking loves Legos. Because who are we kidding, Darth Vader is by far the coolest character in the whole Star Wars universe.