20 years later…

The Duckman —  10/30/2014 —  Comments

The Hipster Jew brother don’t get together often enough. But when we do, something mildly interesting usually happens. Like us sitting on the same dog we sat on 20 years ago. (That dog has seen a lot of ass)

So here we are in about 1994 and 2014

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I have to be honest. I know a lot of my friends say they are harassed on the street. Once a week I see a friend post something on facebook or twitter about that day’s special harasser. But I didn’t know it was this bad. I didn’t know some people get harassed this much. But I believe it.

The most recent street harassment I remember seeing was someone in my neighborhood yelling “c’mon baby smile” to a woman that was walking in front of me. I was kind of shocked. I didn’t say anything. I wanted to see what the woman’s reaction would be to this asshole (nothing). But afterwards I wanted to yell at this guy. Why must someone smile for you? Are women objects for your entertainment? Shove a spiky dildo up your ass.

Im glad the woman never answered. Im glad the woman in this video never answered. Giving them any type of response would satisfy their harassment.

What’s wrong with the boys of today? This shit is stupid and needs to stop.

//Hollaback

Afroman is back to tell you why he is now getting high! No longer because he missed work, or because he has a messy room, or child support to pay. But because anxiety and glaucoma are a bitch. Also booze and ciggs are so much worse than some THC. Seriously. Look how happy Afroman is riding around on a couch. His eyes can’t even open. Dude is living life.

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Of course, like anything good in this world, this is just an advertisement. Afroman is trying to get you to use a weed map and support a group that is trying to get weed legalized. But you know what, we totally agree with form of selling out!

If you don’t remember listening to the original song, I’ll assume it’s because you were too high between 2001 and today. You can listen to a censored version on youtube.

//Rolling Stone

The greatest Shabbat experience I’ve possibly ever had is back with their 7th event. Pop-Up Shabbat will be celebrating 90’s hip hop with the theme “Jew-Tang Forever.” Buy your tickets for this weekends event and get on their mailing list for future events!

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Back in June, The Duckman and Double Sunday were invited to attend Pop-Up Shabbat’s 6th event, so we gladly accepted the invitation to experience Shabbat like this.

The night’s theme, Tikkun Olam (helping to perfect the world), reminds us to ask, “How we can help better the world?” Pop-Up Shabbat’s response is to provide access to organic and local foods to the community. They urged us that eating locally grown foods prepares us for a better tomorrow because we allow more room for self-sufficiency.

We met at the Ikea water taxi across the East River into Red Hook, Brooklyn. Oh lala, a perfect recipe for romance. We took a quick stroll to the converted warehouse at Pier 41. Three large decorated tables topped with framed prayer cards wooed us inside.

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Friendly greetings were accompanied by apricot crostinis. We were invited to immediately begin our boozy adventure with masterly crafted cocktails. Spoiler alert: I became a gin-soaked mound of food by evening’s end.

Buzzing with excitement, people started filling in the open dining room. A two-piece jazz duo helped fill any potential awkward air between strangers meeting for an intimate homestyle dinner. We picked our own seats, and I hoped for fun dining neighbors that won’t mind my raging social anxiety. Speaking of social anxiety, the perfect elixir, wine, was freely being passed around like candy.

Our gracious hostess led the evening with a brief talk about this month’s dinner Oyganic theme. Beautiful, beautiful challah made its round (round, get it? cuz it’s round?). Pesto gruyère stuffed and traditional challah served with a strawberry rhubarb butter spread. C’mon. We quickly learned that this dinner ain’t childs play. Our chef, Sarah Schiear, is about to school us.

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Then, spring pea gazpacho made with garlic scales, cucumber and mint. The presentation was stunning. These crisp and concentrated earthy colors played right into the farm-to-table theme.

Without delay, our entrees commanded their way onto our tables. Move on soup and make way for roasted carrot quinoa with smoked almond pesto. If that wasn’t enough, there was a second entree for meat-eaters: lamb shoulder roast with ramp salsa verde. Don’t think I forgot about you roasted asparagus and butter potatoes. If this dinner was a person, I would ask it for a second date. I was in love with every bite.

I wanted to eat everything the chef and her team prepared, but my breathing was becoming labored. I needed to walk and talk and get even boozier. When I come back from my rendezvous, but who did I see waiting for me on the table? Olive oil cake with rosé-soaked strawberries and lavender cream. I don’t know how to quit you dessert.

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So relaxed, so full, and so boozy–I forgot that I wasn’t at home, and I cannot go lie down to “work this off”. We said our goodbyes to everyone, exchanged contact information, and gave to the tzedakah box.

Jews know tradition. The tradition of Shabbat dinner was artistically and tastefully honored at Pop-Up Shabbat by sticking to a never fail formula: good food and good people.

photos by Adam Thompson

Soooooo the Jews of Cape Town decided to make parody to Die Antwoord’s I Fink U Freeky. Although Die Antwoord’s song is a few years old, I have to say that this was pretty bold on the part of these South African Jews. I mean, have you seen any of their videos? Di Antwoord isn’t so kosher. Considering they made the anthem against circumcision and all. Either way. Go South African Jews, I guess.

// r/judaism

Mr. Decembers

The Duckman —  09/23/2014 —  Comments

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Hi guys. It’s us. Hipster Jew. The Jewish new year is coming up next week, and what better time to tell you that we are in the NICE JEWISH GUYS CALENDAR 2015! We will be sitting at the back of the calendar, judging everyone as they slowly get through the entire year. But no seriously. We’re the month of December. Reminding you that you need to buy another calendar for all of your friends. I mean, what else are you going to get them, even if we won’t be back for 2016?

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You can buy it at Urban Outfitters, Modern Tribe, Kitson.

PS Thanks to Jesse Banks III for photographing us!

Did you think cross-stitching was just for ladies living in castles in the 1600s? Me too!

Or is that embroidery? Quilting? Knitting? I don’t know.  It’s one of those things for those possessing hand-eye coordination.

Well, you (and I) were wrong. Cross-stitching isn’t just for princesses and ladies-in-waiting. Hip post-grads do it too. They do spunky cross-stitching that involves pop culture references and snide remarks! Which, in hindsight, might be my favorite sort of cross-stitching.

I’ll let the images do the talking and stop rambling. For once.

 

You can follow the lovely ladies who create these beautiful works of art on the Instagram (@crossstitchwitches) or even the Tumblr ( crossstitchwitches.tumblr.com). And then you can buy their affordable yet incredibly well-made items on the Etsy. Want something commissioned? Send them a sweet lil email at crossstitchwitches [at] gmail.com

I know what all of my Christmas presents are going to be. And Hannukah. Both holidays… with just a dash of Kwanza for politically correctness.

A few months ago, I decided to move back to New York City and give it another chance. My time living in New York was spent leap-frogging from one shitty neighborhood to the next, across several boroughs. What’s interesting is that my current neighborhood is at an intersection of three different ethnic groups. There are Russians to the east, blacks to the west, and Caribbean to the south. I love this neighborhood.

While the next part of this story is about Antisemitism, I should note that my neighborhood does not have many Jews. There are remnants of Jews who once lived here. Unknown to its current inhabitants, a church only two blocks from my apartment contains a beautiful flame sculpture on the front of the building, stating its former life of a synagogue. The iron fence surrounding the church is shaped like menorahs. Six blocks away is another building that is currently operated by New York City as a daycare for senior citizens. Signs posted around the center point to the defunct synagogue as a place for a weekday morning service.

This past Saturday Afternoon I decided to take a walk. As I left my apartment I noticed two young men dressed in black suits, white shirts, and black hats across the street. Initially, I thought how funny it would be if I said “Shabbat Shalom” to them, as I was in shorts and a t-shirt and clearly not religious. Then I started to wonder why these two young men were walking down this street. Maybe they were taking a long walk to/from Boro Park? I thought it was odd they were walking down this specific street, especially when the neighborhood looked much nicer only a few blocks away. You go from ugly apartment buildings that look like they were built during World War 2 to giant Victorian houses that have front yards in the span of a few minutes. If I was taking a leisurely walk, that is the area I would go to.

As my mind started to wander, I noticed two more young men walking down the street on my side. Where they in a race with the other two Jews? Why are there so many Orthodox Jews walking through my neighborhood today? Was there a Torah in the former synagogue that needed saving? Quickly, these funny (to me) thoughts were interrupted by an older black lady yelling down the street. At first I thought she was speaking gibberish – there tends to be a lot of drug users in my neighborhood. Everyone in my building smokes weed in the stairwells, and I’ve seen strung out people on my front steps numerous times. As I got closer to her I started to make out some of her words. It was the second to last day of the month, and this This older black lady thought that these young men were sent to collect her rent money. She thought they were going to start kicking people out of their homes for not paying rent on time. She was yelling at them for being greedy and hurting the neighborhood.

Except they were just walking down the street. I was kind of shocked. This lady was yelling at them because the only association she has with Orthodox Jews is the many Orthodox slum lords of New York.

It was so ridiculous, I couldn’t help but laugh. I turned to her as I passed (she was still yelling) and I said to her “They are not coming for your money. It’s the Sabbath. They can not take your money.”

After a few moments of me trying to reassure her, and her not listening, a light bulb went on in her head and she said “Oh, its Saturday.”

While I have read my fair share of anti-white graffiti in this neighborhood, I have never had a problem. I have never felt threatened or attacked in any way. This was certainly a strange way to feel bias and resentment.

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Everyone is sick and tired of dumb Kickstarters getting thousands of dollars. Including H. Jon Benjamin. So he made one!

After Erick Sanchez was given over $30K to get Kenny Loggins to perform at his condo, H. Jon Benjamin decided it would only be right if he introduced him (LANA! LANA!….. DANGER ZONE). So here we have another shitty Kickstarter. Or as H. Jon Benjamin put it

“I hate these inane Kickstarters hosted by privileged assholes asking for other people’s money and the service of ironic projects that add nothing to the cultural conversation, so I started one.”

But don’t worry. You won’t be ripped off by terrible rewards. Jon has some great ideas. Like if you give him $2000, you get $1000 back. If you want to watch the performance on his cell phone, it’ll cost $15. Signed posters, Way too expensive T-shirts. Cmon down and support a Kickstarter that clearly doesn’t need your support!
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// Village Voice

Our favorite website in the world, Clickhole (a sister site to The Onion and A.V. Club), wrote a wonderful article on 5 tragedies Adam Sandler predicted. The article is hilariously fake just like everything else on the website.

But apparently some people didn’t get it. Besides for a few twitter and facebook posts questioning how Adam Sandler knew about these tragedies, someone at Stormfront used this article to perpetuate his/her belief that Jews control the media.

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If anything of this is true, just shows how Jews do make **** happen and probably communicate via movies

Which was followed by a few hilarious replies from people that didn’t get it.

This comes as no surprise, all the Jews know what the schedule is, and follow it accordingly, with no incidents.

And then hilarious replies by people that did get it.

This article is satire. There is no-where on the web that can prove any of it. I call bull****.

Here is a bit of propheting for you that might be useful: Jews invent crazy conspiracy theories and theorists (Alex ‘shoutyhead’ Jones anyone) all the time to discredit the true ‘conspiracy’ that they have control of the government and the media.

Thank you Neo Nazis. Because of you and others that do not know how to read, Facebook will be supplying us with “satire” labels.